This is the truth, and I need to remind myself of it. I think I've finally figured it out!
I remember my XW1: I pandered to her for probably 12-18 months while she hem-hawed on divorce. She filed it, kept postponing/delaying it. I finally put my foot down on OM, and stopped completely doing what she asked - she blew up, screamed, threatened everything in the book, and I calmly said, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Within two weeks, her demeanor and attitude had changed. She dumped OM, and delayed the actual divorce for another two years, and by then I was clear in my heart to leave the marriage. To this day, we still sometimes disagree, but she respects me, looks up to me, allows me to make most of the decisions for the kids, etc.
So even though it didn't save the marriage, it saved ME!
