It’s been quite a while since I have been here. Thought I would do an update. I was last here in November 2010 when I had chucked my cheating husband out. You can read up for the rest of my story. I will update from where I left off. I exposed the OW on FB to her friends. I created a fake account and befriended her friends and told them everything that happened. That was Nov 2010. When I did that hubby was livid. After the chats with the lady where my husband was temporarily staying I called him to come back home. Something I regretted doing. He came back about 3 days later and said he was home for his son but he didn't bring in his clothes he would take all the clothes he wanted to wear that day from his car. No immediate progress was achieved. Things started changing from December 2010 slowly though. We fought a lot and he was still pursuing the other lady though he still denied it. Around February 2011 things got bad with the OW and he was dumped coz the affair it was complicating her life since she was married and in her own words it wasn’t what she thought it would be. I guess I was kinda of fed up in a way and started truly implementing most advice given here. My mistake before was that I was too needy and did most things I wasn’t supposed to do. I started not caring much and it scared him and practiced tough love and I stopped defending myself or justifying myself and allowing him to tell me I was paranoid when I wasn’t. At first he thought it was a show but then he realised it was not. I still loved him and still wanted us to work things out. I just didn't show him how badly. That's when he started changing slowlyI guess he realised he might actually lose me coz he could not get away with breaking our boundaries anymore....well he did a couple of times. In May 2011 I realised I was pregnant. We were both not so happy...I didn't want to have another kid with this man. In August 2011 we had a birthday party for our first son. In November 2011 we went for a vacation - just the two of us...it was really special...it helped make our relationship better. My father in law came to stay with us in November 2011 so we had to watch how we handled ourselves around him though things got really fiery a couple of times btn me and hubby whilst he was around. Mainly coz hubby was coming home late anytime from 12am to 5am. Something he hadn't done before. It was not often but I wasn't comfortable with that. I gave birth in January 2012. In all this I never felt like he had realised how badly he had hurt me and worse he didn't want to talk about us and our relationship. It bothered me cause I FELT WE NEEDED IT IN ORDER TO MOVE ON. Our talks where half hearted from his side. He continued coming home late a few other times throughout 2012, until I said enough is enough one day when I saw a funny slip that indicated that he was having an affair with another woman. That was early December 2012. I don’t think it was a serious affair like the first affair in that he wasn’t as cold as before and he wasn’t phone crazed like before. He said it was nothing serious but it did happen and I was livid. I threw his things out again and this time I didn’t tell people what was happening coz I didn’t want to make decisions based on what other people advised. I was doing it for me. I threw his things out again. I smsed him a copy of the slip...he knew he was busted and kept calling me the whole day, I mostly ignored his calls. I told him I didn’t want to talk to him. He came back home after work and found his things out. I had changed the locks to the door coz he had his own set of keys. He stayed at the door for a while and kept trying to call me, I didn’t answer. He then smsed saying ‘please can we talk’. I told him again I didn’t want to talk to him. We hadn’t worked something out before why now. I told him I didn’t have anything to say anymore. Why would I, for him to tell me lies and keep on cheating and hurting me. I guess it finally dawned on him that things had really changed, in fact he told me so and said I had changed and he didn’t want to lose me. I didn’t open the door. He ended up sleeping in his car outside for 2 nights. The third night he was parked outside and I realised I needed to go to the shops to fetch something. When I came back he was at the door and he wanted to get into the house. I told him if he dared to I would call the police on him, and I did. He entered the house and refused to leave. The police came and escorted him out. He found a hotel to stay in. He was still trying to call me asking for us to work things out. That weekend we had previously planned to go shipping for our kids so I went with him shopping mainly coz I was scared he would take our older son if I let him go alone with them. Whilst we were out he begged me to talk to him and give him another chance to work things out. I told him it was too late coz I had given him countless chances and he blew them. I badly wanted us to talk but I wanted to see how sincere he was first. I saw a sincerity I hadn’t seen before, he had never wanted to talk or work things out and he badly wanted to he was practically begging me to. So it was refreshing to see this other side, I was scared though that he might not mean it. But I decided to meet up with him but on neutral grounds. We met at a local hotel later that night we slept in the same room but in different beds, coz I had insisted on that. We didn’t speak much that night but we did the following morning. We spoke about everything and he was open in a way that he had never been the whole of our lives. I wanted to know why he had done it and what he wanted out of US. That talk changed everything...when we finished the anger was gone and I felt that he meant every word he said. We established a couple of boundaries like he said he had these affairs mainly coz he was bored....we worked out how to work out through that boredom and how to be more open with each other. He came back home later and things have never been the same. We are happy ...our two sons are a cherry on the top. We have fun together as a family and as a couple, we plan things together , we talk over things and don’t bottle up things anymore. Even his phones they are now no longer password protected. I am happy and thankful for each day....he is a completely changed man. Miracles do happen and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Everything that happened before just seem like a bad dream. And I thank all of you guys who helped me here, and Michelle for such a great website. And ultimately all thanks be unto God.
