I've liked this song ever since Basia first released it, but the words never meant anyhing to me... until now.
It's hard for me to stop my heart Love never knows when the time is right I don't want to hurt anybody But can't help lovin' you
I never felt like this before I know this is special worth waiting for Let life takes it course That's the only thing for us to do
We've got time and baby there's no rush Gonna be a better day for us Hang on and I will wait for you Our love will always stay as good as new
Time and tide Nothin' and no one can stop us now For better, for worse This time I'm sure It's gonna last... gonna last forever!
Utube it to hear the rest, it's a great song. ----------------------
I'm hoping to be able to run another session of my TKD class at work real soon.
My recent (and first) divorce support meetup has helped me to accept my sitch for what it is... not nearly as bad as most folks who ARE in the D process.
I know I've posted all my positives before, (we all have plenty) and then I still end up growing weary of our ongoing loveless marriage. I will again I'm sure. But hey, feelings come and go. If we don't like one of them we can acknowledge it and wait for the next one to come along. Live in the moment. Look for positives in everything. Enjoy every day to the best of our ability no matter what happens. It really is our choice how we respond to the trials we are all facing.
Recent positives:
My wife has decided to do a makeover on her bedroom. New everything. She is very excited about this, and it's given her a spring in her step. I'm standing back and allowing her to do it on her own, as this how she wants to do it. I'd even say it's how she NEEDS to do it.
She's also checked out and downloaded a book by Pema Chodron titled "Don't Bite the Hook". It draws on Buddhist teachings, and topics include:
Stay centered in the midst of difficulty Improve stressful relationships Step out of the downward spiral of self-hatred Awaken compassion for ourselves and others
So I figure this'll hold me for at least a few weeks... haha. Stay tuned for more MLC fun!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Nice words in the song FY. I find myself listening more intently to words in songs too.
Sounds like your W is taking some positive steps for soul-searching. Doing things for herself, which is what we are told to do. I see something very positive in that.
I sooooooo wish my H would do some positives for himself! Right now it's a BFN - big fat nothing, lol. So his holding pattern is tiding me over for who knows how long.
I think her steps will hold you for a few . Endurance is key!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Hey FY, those are two really good things. Redoing her bedroom shows she isnt going anywhere anytime soon. And reading and looking within is always a plus.
I wanted you to know I understand completely how hard it is to have a loveless marriage. Though it is not really loveless as I think she loves you deep down.
Only you know what you can endure and how long you can stand.
And you are right, feelings ebb and flow.
I promise you that when you get to where you can go no further, you will know without a single doubt.
So, hopefully things will change before that happens. You are doing what you should be. Living life and finding moments that fill you.
I am here, rooting you on, praying for you and hoping so very much that your w sees who we see here. A man who is loyal, kind, funny, compassionate, passionate and cool.
FY, it seems like you're doing so well! It's fabulous that your W is sticking around. Do you still interact with her a lot or is she basically living a life separately from you? You seem like a great guy! Keep up the good work.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Hi PM! Thanks for the drop in... always nice to meet someone new.
Originally Posted By: uRw
I wanted you to know I understand completely how hard it is to have a loveless marriage. Though it is not really loveless as I think she loves you deep down.
You know, a few people at the divorce support meet up asked me some questions. My answers follow:
Do you guys have kids? No. Does she work? Yes, we both make about the same amount. Is there any debt? No. House is paid for, no other loans, no credit card debt. And she's still there? Yes, in her own bedroom.
Their immediate response: Oh, there's still something there. (her feelings for me) Kinda makes sense, even though she's making sure I don't feel it.
Originally Posted By: etc
Do you still interact with her a lot or is she basically living a life separately from you?
Interaction is hit and miss. She needs her space, and I give it to her. So, we do things together, (like meals and errands) but we also spend a lot of time separate, or together with few words. I've become comfortable with it. For now.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY "I know I've posted all my positives before, (we all have plenty) and then I still end up growing weary of our ongoing loveless marriage. I will again I'm sure. But hey, feelings come and go. If we don't like one of them we can acknowledge it and wait for the next one to come along. Live in the moment. Look for positives in everything. Enjoy every day to the best of our ability no matter what happens. It really is our choice how we respond to the trials we are all facing."
This is good advice FY, thanks. Always looking at the positives in everything requires BIG patience shovels, big hearts, and a lot of faith, but in my mind, is the only way to fly. I don't/can't always pull it off, but truly believe that having a positive attitude can change our worlds for the better.
It is great that your W is redecorating her room! Good for her PMA, good because it means she doesn't plan to go anywhere soon. And when you two have completely restored your marriage, you will be amazed at how romantic and sexy it is to have separate rooms. I loved when my H used to visit me with a glass of wine and a gleam in his eye during his brief respite from MLC insanity.
And I'm glad that course you took in being funny already paid off at the D support group!! Although in my eyes you already were one very humerous fellow!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
A year and a half in... why is this still such a damn roller coaster?
A few nights back, as W was finishing up painting her bedroom, I came in and laid on "her" bed. She didn't even flinch, as I thought she might. We discussed the next phase of her project, and then talked a bit about the next project, our home office makeover. This one we will be doing together, as we have on every other home project prior to this crises.
Last night my two sisters, one brother, and their spouses and kids, all met up with my parents to celebrate their 54th wedding anniversary. We took them to a bedding store to buy them a much needed new bed. (Mom cried) W only decided to go once she learned all the other children and spouses were going. Once there, she turned on the charm, joked around with everyone, hugged my parents and acted like normal. It made me feel like we really do have a shot at this new marriage thing.
It's so weird to know that she's checked out of the marriage and is cool to me, yet still checks in for the family. WTF?
W hides to change clothes, and it hurts me. I normally leave for work before she gets up, but my work hours have temporarily changed, so that now we will be preparing for work at the same time. Today, I walked into the master bedroom to tell her something just as she was pulling up her pants. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. I carried on like normal, made my comments and did not acknowledge the rude body language. It made me later say (to myself) F'n leave. If you don't love me and are going to act like that, just F'n leave already!
It still seems I'm more likely to end this limbo than she is.
Do you think any of this says anything for the chance of W signing back up for the M? I guess I'm looking for more hope of a favorable outcome. I often feel like we got this in the bag, but then the next minute sometimes feel like kicking her out and moving on. sigh.
Thanks for following along everyone.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Aw, ForeverYoung, you're right, it IS such a rollercoaster! I find that it is more of their rollercoaster, and we are along for the ride. And detaching is hard to do, most days. It is hard not to get dragged into all of the rollercoaster shenanigans!!
I remember going through those same emotions as you, one day wanting to work on things, and the next day not sure if I want to continue. Definitely a hard place to be at, and I am sure you are doing a lot of soul searching right now.
take care, -cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
We've got time and baby there's no rush Gonna be a better day for us Hang on and I will wait for you Our love will always stay as good as new
Reposting some of the lyrics you had posted for inspirations, Keep at it and stay strong!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
. Endurance is key!