You did the right thing, stay the course! Work on you become a happy strong individual, now is the time to work hard on yourself. Be honest with what you want to change, however remember that you did the best you could with the tolls tools you had available to you at the time. If he wants some of what sthelen has he needs to earn it. That means to stop opening you up to STD's and emotional damage.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I told him last night and I still feel that way this morning. I don't regret it. It's a decision I've given a lot of thought to.
He has treated me like something he scraped off his shoe all while giving the time, energy, attention, devotion (and money!) he promised his wife and kids to OW.
He has seen the kids 5 days this month yet is taking OW out of town for the 3 day weekend. He saw the kids 3 days last month.
I have offered him compassion, patience, support and grace throughout this entire process and he continues to choose her over his family. He has no desire to ever end the affair.
She can have him. I can not respect myself for being with someone that treats me like this. I deserve better.
Well. I haven't been here in a while. And that's a good thing.
I'm doing great. I have successfully enforced my boundaries and feel stronger every day. It killed me the first time I told him not to call and said nothing else physical. I thought that would be IT. He would be gone and that was that.
But he's actually been very pleasant, pretty easy to deal with and I feel great. I'm no longer waiting for him to call, hoping it's him when my phone rings, etc... I am happy and actually looking forward to my future.
My therapist even told me today that she doesn't think I need to keep coming on a weekly basis. We're going to try every other week.
I have sold our house and bought a smaller, less expensive house right here in the neighborhood so my kids don't have to change schools. I got approved for the mortgage on my own and couldn't be happier about the location.
I'm sending out tons of resumes and getting quite a few calls. I've decided to hold off on the job for another month or so until I get settled in the house. There's just too much going on right now.
H continues to make comments about being confused. But they don't confuse me/ make me sad/ give me false hope any longer. Nobody knows what the future holds, divorce isn't permanent. If we are meant to be we will find our way back together after he works through his confusion or whatever is going on in his head. I'm not waiting for that to happen NOW. NOW is not the time for us, that is clear. He has too much he needs to work on within himself...and I'm actually really enjoying working on myself and discovering I'm pretty strong and independent. I'm actually excited about returning to work.
There are some days I think I'd be nuts to take him back after everything he's done...and some days I just can't imagine this is really the end of us. But I know that either way the kids and I will be FINE!
sthelen, I’ve just caught up on your stich a little. You sound so good. You seem to have it all together. Thanks for posting the updated, you are such an inspiration!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thank you. It's been a roller coaster, for sure. And I don't think this is the end of it. But I certainly have more good days than bad now and I feel that the tables have turned. Instead of me at home lonely, sad, rejected and dumped I feel very much like if he really is confused and ever decides he wants to come back...it's going to be on him to do the work to prove that. 6 months into this nightmare (well, since I knew...his PA has actually been going on for 10+ months, I'd guess) I now know I don't NEED him to survive. I can make it on my own. I'm not even feeling the rush to jump into another relationship or marriage like I did in the beginning. I'm happy being single and being in charge of the remote at night.
sthelen, you can and will survive, you are very strong! Glad to hear you are doing well and feeling better. Take care my DB friend, -cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Well it's been a while and things seem to be turning around!
My husband took it upon himself to start therapy! The therapist is awesome and has really encouraged my husband to work on his marriage. On Tuesday my husband told his attorney to put the brakes on the divorce proceedings while he continues therapy to make sure he's doing the right thing. We spent 6 hours at lunch after that having the most open and honest conversation we've had in years. I feel really hopeful! Also he started saying I love you again on Tuesday. He hasn't said that since July.
The "negative" in this is that he's still with OW but we talked a lot about that relationship on Tuesday and he made it clear the grass is not greener. It's not going well for him. He told me he would end it within a month so we can start working on the marriage. I'll feel a lot more hopeful after he actually does that. I'm afraid she'll pull him back in when he tries to end it. But, all in all things seem to be moving in the direction I want.
I have successfully enforced my boundaries and feel stronger every day. It killed me the first time I told him not to call and said nothing else physical. I thought that would be IT. He would be gone and that was that.