Once a muse...

[SugarBaby31]

MWD says in DR that your goal is not to revive your old M. Consider your old M dead and gone. Instead, your goal is to establish a NEW relationship and marriage with your H. Of course it's not the same as dating a stranger because you've got a lot of history with him, but you've grown and changed a lot through your DB'ing and this is going to change the dynamic of the R.

Great because our old M needed to die! I like the change in dynamic, it seems as though we're both happier.

You've probably changed more than him. Often the LBS does the lion's share of the work in saving the M while the WAS does nothing other than pursue their own selfish desires. So when the WAS expresses interest in working on things, often the LBS is very far along on their journey of growth while the WAS hasn't even started yet. So be prepared, he may yet still be on the roller coaster.

Thanks for the warning. I'm keeping a safe distance. He has changed a lot and I've been applauding the 1% of improvement to encourage him. We're in a good place. I just have to remember to pace myself.

DB'ing does not change until the WAS is well and truly ready to work on piecing. Some aspects of DB'ing are forever (particularly listening/ validating skills) while others should be suspended in piecing (going dim/ dark for example). I assume you're still S'd? If so, try and read through the threads in the piecing forum before considering letting him move back. It'll give you an idea of what to expect. Often the LBS's have lofty expectations when the WAS moves back, and the WAS's ALWAYS fail to meet those expectations. This can lead to resentment in the LBS and sometimes they become the WAS. Read the threads, be prepared for what to expect. Piecing is hard, hard work.

We're still S'd. Letting go of expectations is a huge 180 for me. So far so good! There has not been any talk of moving back in, but lots of flirtation and innuendo.