One giant leap forward! - Part 6

[T1000]

I don't blame you, T. You shouldn't have to do all the driving. Offering to put gas in her car is very generous. You should not be missing work when she doesn't work. She knows how to drive, let her do her fair share. The driving is taxing.

There's many things I do that I don't want to.

On top of all that doing it all makes it harder to travel to other places.

I would love to be able to GAL more when my remortgage comes through and I will have some disposable income for the 1st time in 5 years. In that I would like to do things that involve travel, the thought of doing anymore right now makes my back ache just thinking of it.

[labug]

Hill to die on-that she do some of the driving.

I never have to make that decision if I don't want to.

I don't understand this at all. How can it not involve a decision?

What scares you about being a chump? And if it's only in your eyes, why do you see yourself that way? Why judge yourself so harshly and call yourself names? Is that how you were controlled in the past?

Why will it fail, if she ends up driving how is that a fail?

Because you can't control other people. Do you think she'll end up driving if you demand it? She might once or twice but will it be sustainable? What will happen the next time she gets angry?

This can't be win-win. Originally when I started doing all the driving it wasn't win-win.

There was a win-win, you got to see your kids-She didn't have to drive.

What would motivate her to want to do some of the driving. Open your mind, if you just say there is no win-win, you're done.

[T1000]

Hill to die on-that she do some of the driving.

I never have to make that decision if I don't want to.

I don't understand this at all. How can it not involve a decision?

We might have to drop this or start again, even I'm getting lost

What scares you about being a chump? And if it's only in your eyes, why do you see yourself that way? Why judge yourself so harshly and call yourself names? Is that how you were controlled in the past?

I'm not scared of being a chump. I am doing way more than I need to. I have never accepted anyone calling me any names unless I wanted it. Me saying chump is just me quickly explaining how I feel about it.

Why will it fail, if she ends up driving how is that a fail?

Because you can't control other people. Do you think she'll end up driving if you demand it? She might once or twice but will it be sustainable? What will happen the next time she gets angry?

If she decides to bring them because I'm working later then it may be so.

This can't be win-win. Originally when I started doing all the driving it wasn't win-win.

There was a win-win, you got to see your kids-She didn't have to drive.

If your looking at it like that my win can be W driving, her win can be she gets rid of the kids or gets the satisfaction from helping them see their father.

What would motivate her to want to do some of the driving. Open your mind, if you just say there is no win-win, you're done.

It's not a win-win, just a win-lose.

[labug]

If your looking at it like that my win can be W driving, her win can be she gets rid of the kids or gets the satisfaction from helping them see their father.

Now we're getting somewhere. Except the win for you is you don't have to drive so much-the win for her is she gets a free weekend. She may not give a squat about helping them see their father and that's not your issue. Present it that way, with no guilt, shame of judgment.

How would you present it to her?

And I have to ask, after reading Fartlitre's post, do you sometimes argue just to argue?

[T1000]

If your looking at it like that my win can be W driving, her win can be she gets rid of the kids or gets the satisfaction from helping them see their father.

Now we're getting somewhere. Except the win for you is you don't have to drive so much-the win for her is she gets a free weekend. She may not give a squat about helping them see their father and that's not your issue. Present it that way, with no guilt, shame of judgment.

How would you present it to her?

She has had the weekends free without doing anything up to now. I honestly don't think anything could be said that would present it where she would have any interest.

And I have to ask, after reading Fartlitre's post, do you sometimes argue just to argue?

I used to do it a lot. I don't feel like I have been on here. Maybe I don't realise.

I am going to have to drop this for a while now anyway. I just got a letter telling me I can't remortgage because W has a Matrimonial Homes Notice on the house and it can't be done.

I have emailed her to ask about it.

[T1000]

She said:

"I will settle for a quick divorce and 5K if you want to get the ball rolling."

I told her i didn't have it.

Strange feeling reading them words from her. I have been thinking about it myself this week. Really hits home when W says it.

[T1000]

She replied:

I'm not raising the boys on the rest of my life on benefits. I'm gonna need money for a deposit towards a house eventually.

Might be better for you to rent the house out and live at your parents for a while until you can sort yourself out financially. Just like you have made it clear...I am no longer your responsibility and you are no longer mine. I will do whatever it takes to provide for the kids.

[T1000]

I am thinking of replying with:

"Would you take 2.5K to remove your name from the house?"


Seeing as it's getting quite serious I will leave it a bit before I say anything back, if I do.

[cbtdad]

T, I don't remember? You don't have attorney because its too expensive right now. Is that correct?
Just asking, i couldn't possibly imagine not having an attorney with where these exchanges have gone between you and your wife.
I hope it gets worked out buddy. Feeling for you. A lot to handle.
You are strong man, keep building yourself to be the better man.

[AnotherStander]

T, how much equity is in the house? I remember you posting this earlier:

"It will mean that we have no equity in the house after all debts are paid off rather than a few grand we would have been."

So "a few grand" equity? How is she coming up with 5k for her share? That would mean there's 10k equity.