Surviving Separation

[slow_it_down]

I'll start w/ the positive. I've mentioned in the past that my concerns about my H centered around him not helping at home and his lack of trying to connect w/ my kids (his step kids). Last night he offered to watch my kids while I attended a meeting. I returned home to a clean house and garage... And my H played cards w/ the kids while I was away. It was very nice to come home to all of that!

On the less than positive side I'm still struggling to rebuild trust and confidence that things will be different this time around. My H is working so hard to rebuild "us" but then he'll go from staying over nightly to finding reasons to leave several days in a row. Waiting till midnight to abruptly say he's going back to his place (an hour drive away) after we just watched a movie together sends such mixed messages.

I previously told him he could come and go as he pleased after our son was born (to see him), but I've just gotten this strong sense he's pulling away and so I told him this randomly staying or not staying isn't helping me feel any better about things between us. Its just felt like old times right before he'd take off again.

I tried to set a boundary that he give me his plans of when he intends to come and go so I know what to expect and it led to a pretty emotional weekend and a lot of miscommunication between us. We both agreed that we have to settle into something more consistent. He said it was his intention to stay here nighty from now on. Then last night despite the great job he did w/ the kids and house he ended up having yet another reason to leave unexpectedly shortly after I got home. Tonight he said he'd be over after work but ended up dosing off at his place and here I am alone again today.

I can't tell if he's really got other stuff coming up, if this is OW related, if work is really just busy right now... I don't want to spend anymore time thinking about it but him being inconsistent just takes back to that dark memories of going through infidelity. I can act as if and put on a smiley face but inside this inconsistency is really breaking me down!