Apparently in Georgia, you are served divorce papers by a sheriff. I'm truly terrified. How devastating is it going to be to have a sheriff show up where I work?
In most states you can sign a waiver stating that you waive the "right" to be served. I Googled it and in your state (Georgia) it's called an "Acknowledgment of Service":
An Acknowledgment of Service is when the person you are filing an action against agrees to accept a copy of the papers from you, and signs an Acknowledgment of Service form in front of a Notary Public. This notarized document lets the court know that the party has received the papers.
If you fill out and sign this, then you will not be served. This is what I've agreed to do with my W.
Originally Posted By: Dragon Heart
Another difficulty is just the gross distortion of the truth. Again, script.
Yes, it's script, but it still hurts to hear some of that stuff. I read an old thread on here once in which the WAS said the hardest thing she went through in reconciling with her H was once she cleared the fog and remembered he was not an evil devil-man, she had to go back and right the record with everyone she had been spewing to for months. She said that she actually considered not reconciling because it would have been easier than enduring the embarrassment of having to try and explain why she had portrayed him in such an ugly way. I'm sure a lot of WAS's never go back not because they don't eventually want to, but just because they don't want to deal with cleaning up the mess they've made.
Originally Posted By: Dragon Heart
A kind word or a simple email from my wife can make my whole day.
You've got a lot of work to do! Even in a healthy marriage you should be secure enough that you don't need a gesture from your W to have a great day. You are severely codependent if you need that to get by. Detach and work on yourself, try and channel the independent, strong person you were before you met your W.
A kind word or a simple email from my wife can make my whole day.
You've got a lot of work to do! Even in a healthy marriage you should be secure enough that you don't need a gesture from your W to have a great day. You are severely codependent if you need that to get by. Detach and work on yourself, try and channel the independent, strong person you were before you met your W.
I was not nearly so codependent when we were together. We operated fairly independently and I was confident in my relationship. I know I need to detach, but I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the loss of contact and presence.
I asked my wife if I could pickup the paperwork. She agreed.
Today she came to my office and gave me the address for her attorney. She said it was ready to be picked up.
She then said she's sorry.
She says she loved me, but she believes it wasn't enough for me. With all I have done and said, how can she possibly believe this?
I told her in my heart, it was enough. I only wanted to deal with the issues we faced.
I told her it took courage to do what she's done and that I hope if she changed her mind she would have the courage to stop it. She seemed to indicate she would, but I can't be certain.
Oh Dragon, I feel for you. I still have a fear that grips my heart thinking that my H may take some drastic measures. I would be just as torn apart.
It sounds though, like you are dealing much better with it each day. I know it doesn't feel like it, but I can see in your interactions with her that you are calmer and more sure of yourself when you speak.
They way I look at it, the D is only a step in the reconciliation process. It can mean positive things. Hard to believe I know, but I've seen it happen.
From what I've observed in your posts, You are awesome.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I know how hard it is when you find out that they're actually thinking about going through with a D.
But I also feel that some spouses feel that they need to D in order to get a clean break. That way, if they do decide to try again, it's beginning a new relationship and not trying to fix the old one.
My xh told me that he felt he needed to D because he knew that I wouldn't even think about seeing someone else until we were finally over. And if we do try to work on things, we will have both had the opportunity to see what else is out there and will have made the decision to come back together.
He said he wasn't sure if he'd ever fix himself and didn't want to keep me waiting while he tried to figure it out. While I didn't want a D, at least I'm now free to live my life while I can still hope that my prodigal spouse returns.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Oh Dragon, I feel for you. I still have a fear that grips my heart thinking that my H may take some drastic measures. I would be just as torn apart.
It sounds though, like you are dealing much better with it each day. I know it doesn't feel like it, but I can see in your interactions with her that you are calmer and more sure of yourself when you speak.
They way I look at it, the D is only a step in the reconciliation process. It can mean positive things. Hard to believe I know, but I've seen it happen.
From what I've observed in your posts, You are awesome.
You are too kind. I have so very far to go. I am trying to put what I have learned into practice and I am motivated by the extreme jeopardy of the situation. The emotional turmoil I was experiencing these past few months has lessened, if only slightly. However, it has been replaced by a new and unexpected form of pain. I can be suddenly and unexpectedly struck by the harsh reality of my situation. The triggers can be so small and nothing you can anticipate. For a few minutes everything seems hyper-real and a coldness grips my heart. It is hard to describe. I have never experienced anything like it. I half expect to feel paralyzed by pain when I pickup the papers from my wife's attorney tomorrow.
I know how hard it is when you find out that they're actually thinking about going through with a D.
But I also feel that some spouses feel that they need to D in order to get a clean break. That way, if they do decide to try again, it's beginning a new relationship and not trying to fix the old one.
My xh told me that he felt he needed to D because he knew that I wouldn't even think about seeing someone else until we were finally over. And if we do try to work on things, we will have both had the opportunity to see what else is out there and will have made the decision to come back together.
He said he wasn't sure if he'd ever fix himself and didn't want to keep me waiting while he tried to figure it out. While I didn't want a D, at least I'm now free to live my life while I can still hope that my prodigal spouse returns.
I think my wife is also looking for a clean break, from everything and everyone. There are elements of a mid-life crisis. She is fairly isolated; she despises her job; she believes everyone is out to see her fail and/or get fired; she does not get along with her mother; she hasn't talked to her brother is years; etc. (Her father and biggest supporter passed away in the late 90's.)
While some might consider trying again after divorce, she believes she may never be happy, but certainly can never be happy with me. (I know, don't believe anything she says.) She does not talk about fixing herself. She seems to think she's unhappy because of everyone and everything around her. She insists I work on fixing myself; that I continue doing things as though none of this has impacted me; that now I am free to find someone who can give me what I want; etc. Why she insists she knows what I want, but won't accept what I tell her I want completely escapes me.
I remember when I got D papers. My gut shrunk into a knot. My W filed on stupid grounds. I mean, almost laughable, but it still made my stomach twist.
However, I soon found out, within a few days that it was a big joke. Some L got paid $200/hour to stamp a boiler plate document and send it to a judge.
I'm not saying to take it lightly - be careful of your legal laws where you are, but it's cool.
This sounds like what my H went through when he was losing his connection with me. He was isolated, didn't have many friends to talk to, was angry about work and the stupid people he had to deal with, and would take out his anger on my son for very minor things.
Then when I became depressed I felt very much like you describe your wife, she sounds depressed. It's hard to recognize because you think are dealing, when you really are not. She feels disappointed in people and you are the main target right now. She is speaking from pain and is not making a whole lot of sense right now.
Hang on to rollercoaster Dragon.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
