Oh Dragon, I feel for you. I still have a fear that grips my heart thinking that my H may take some drastic measures. I would be just as torn apart.
It sounds though, like you are dealing much better with it each day. I know it doesn't feel like it, but I can see in your interactions with her that you are calmer and more sure of yourself when you speak.
They way I look at it, the D is only a step in the reconciliation process. It can mean positive things. Hard to believe I know, but I've seen it happen.
From what I've observed in your posts, You are awesome.
You are too kind. I have so very far to go. I am trying to put what I have learned into practice and I am motivated by the extreme jeopardy of the situation. The emotional turmoil I was experiencing these past few months has lessened, if only slightly. However, it has been replaced by a new and unexpected form of pain. I can be suddenly and unexpectedly struck by the harsh reality of my situation. The triggers can be so small and nothing you can anticipate. For a few minutes everything seems hyper-real and a coldness grips my heart. It is hard to describe. I have never experienced anything like it. I half expect to feel paralyzed by pain when I pickup the papers from my wife's attorney tomorrow.
