Sorry if I missed it previously, what is her Love Language (if you have read the book)?
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I think they are WOA and AOS...and acting "as if" they are...but really not positive on that, and maybe they've changed...idk. Hoping at some point we can take the assessment together.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
It may be that W is revisiting some replay doors, hopefully to close them for good. Maybe like rH's H did...
I have been thinking on this for a while.
You know, T^2, much of what happened during our withdrawal phase was happening with H out of the house.
And when you think about it....Cinco de Mayo...where my H got very drunk and did the hot tub thing with his two buddies and eight women where the FB pic looked like no one had any bathing suits on...just sayin' ...was only a few months ago. Really.
He had a lot of doors to close and wasn't ready back in May. Still texting other girls regularly in June. And to a lesser extent now.
So...you see...if they decide it can go rather quickly. It just doesn't feel like it at the time.
I never thought I would be where I am now.
So...hang on...and keep being your very wonderful, awesome, good-lookin' self!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
You are correct about that time perception, feels like forever while in the midst of it all.
I sometimes think that once she decides, it'll move much faster, she's historically been an "all or nothing" type, so...getting to that decision point is the trick...hope she gets there before I do, lol.
That said, things are pretty much...
Status = quo
Some small things here and there. Watching to see if some important steps are followed through on...action. Have to remind myself to look for those things, keep perspective. Keeping detached, which is a process flux-state I keep discovering...not a steady state. Every now and then I realize/discover that I do have some attachment threads still there, lol. At least they are not ropes anymore.
Myself, I am on a cleaning/organizing spree, and taking care of some long held-off projects that I chose to put off during the past two years for the sake of DB-ing the R, to show I can hold back and wait on things if need be. I waited, with no moping, hissy-fits or resentment. It is time to put some things in order. The funding is coming from a non-marital source and will benefit others in the house, including W coming up as winter arrives, and it is what I would do if she were gone.
I am immersed in studying and architecting for the new business expansion, I'm not going to let anything interfere with this opportunity...too important to the future for myself and the kids, and W if she sticks around.
Still biking most days to work, still sticking to my schedule and goals with working out and diet almost religiously.
Still feeling my way through a balance in the kitchen, grocery shopping area...and she is feeling her way too...I see her trying to get back to "normal", and making some progress there. Eventually I will have to ask her to have a talk about that, but now is not that time. With her added income it is less pressing, there is some flexibility now. So it can wait.
And so it goes...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Now would be an ideal time for her to "decide". You've got a positive flow of energy and projects, you are keeping your health up instead of letting it deteriorate as some do at this age, you have plans for the future.
I hope she can see what an awesome future with you it would be!
Is she still working on her self-help books--reading, absorbing, processing? Or is she more just going with the flow of working and keeping home?
Any more promising looks your way or compliments that show she may be interested in you physically?
She could never find what she has in you somewhere else and I'm guessing she doesn't want to be alone -- or can't afford to.
I was hoping you weren't affected by the floods in the Rockies. If not, that's another thing to be very grateful for
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
As far as I can tell, she is still processing, some different books atm. She goes in ebbs and flows, like we all do. Maybe right now it's a phase where she is "doing" work and home while background processing...idk...I try not to look too hard, just try to notice, and not analyze too much.
The advice here over and over is that they take as long as they take, nothing I can do to speed it up, lots I can do to slow it down, so I let it be. Get on with the 80% or so of my life I can influence.
I did get a hug after expressing my desire for one, and it wasn't a side hug and there wasn't any <pat><pat> involved. It was full frontal contact, a "real" hug... But idk, maybe some more being comfortable around me in general. No expectations there, especially IF she is revisting some replay, just a "feeling" I have. If so, I know she has to work that out within herself, like your H did.
This loveless, sexless marriage thingy does have an expiration date, I'm just not sure when it is, I left my reading glasses in the car... Somewhere the line between providing a safe, sane place for someone to work things out, and being taken advantage of, maybe will get crossed, but I hope not.
We are a bit north so didn't affect us, there were some outlying areas that had some, but yes, grateful.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
W has started with an IC (I hope she is M-friendly. lol). And she has started on a new AD.
Actions.
There are some other little actions that appear to say she is warming up a bit to me. If I know her at all, I reckon she is having a hard time with guilt about the last 4 years or so, especially concerning the kids. A real hard time. Her actions say she is trying. Trying to fight the "run" reaction.
Meanwhile, I just go about my stuff and being me, keeping things together...dealing with whatever life throws at me, most of the time gracefully
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
