my x would always nitpick and complain about what i did, and it wasnt until after i stopped being scared of her response, and let her clearly know i didnt care for it, that the nitpicking stopped. all those years of cowering and it took one time for me standing up for myself and it ended.
i believe you should stand up and be strong and solid, but not attacking. the less words the better. give her nothing to grab hold onto and argue against. dont call her anything negative, dont give reasons, dont make excuses.
just say "I will not tolerate this anymore."
setting boundaries is all about you. it should be about You not allowing her to hurt you. You cant control her actions, but you can control your response, and whether or not you'll allow it to continue.
if you want to wait till after your return from the states, then all you need to tell her is "I will address this when i return" you dont need to give a reason.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
