its taken me a few days to read thru all the responses in this post. Then I wanted to take a day to form a response.
There sure is a lot of "going dark" in your posts. but theres hardly a day that both of you haven't talked or texted.
There sure seems to be a lot of retaliation going on as well. A lot of he said/she said stuff, that only makes the roller coaster feel like it gets higher/lower and much faster.
You seem to defend yourself an awful lot, sometimes in a way you think your doing right or making up for things past. Then in other ways that your not satisfied with responses/accusations and need to protect yourself.
If you feel going dark for 48 hours is a small win, then you certainly are NOT detached enough to think that moving on or making it work is you still trying to convince yourself of your control in the situation. You have no control!
Either you allow yourself to get sucked back in, or you go out of your way to get yourself back in. This isn't a chess match, you make a move, let her make her move, back and forth you both go. In the roughly 3 weeks this thread was opened, there's hardly a day that you haven't had contact. It almost seems that you go out of your way to have contact, even if you know its going to be negative.
What I think is truly missing here, is time apart. Lets face it, she wouldn't have moved out, then gotten her own apartment (much less a one year lease) if she didn't need some time and space AWAY from you. And you from her. Your both to close to the situation, but coming from different ends of the spectrum. Some how you think your meeting in the middle on occasion.
Does she know what she wants, of course not. But at no time is she really facing any decisions either. You cannot fix her, you cannot speed the process. You HAVE to let her walk her path. She hasn't had a chance to "miss" anything about you. I think if you go back to the beginning and read your posts, nothing has changed.
Granted, I guess it can happen, but I haven't seen a marriage on this site reconcile in under a year. Also from your first posts, she's still dealing with issues from her Ex, I don't think she's worked on much, at least not enough, within herself to be honest. She's brought some past issues into this new marriage. She might be the type of person that just cant be alone. Insecure? Abandonment issues? Who knows? But you cant fix them anyways. I also think you have some control issues yourself. I'm sorry that im being blunt, i'm not trying to add fuel to the fire here, but you both have a LOT of work to do on yourselves FIRST. I'm not sure either of you are really working on that part of it enough to be working together on anything else.
You say you dated 5 months before getting married, how much do you really think you know about her? I think your finding out now, not as much as you think. I feel your hurt, and I know that you think YOU know your becoming detached, but your still to early in this to be. I've been there, I've talked myself into conviction so many times it became a joke within myself. Time seems to be the only cure of this.
You still seem very angry or disappointed when you've done your part, but she hasn't in your mind. Those expectations ramp up your emotions. Understandable, but it obviously isn't solving anything either. Just more back and forth. You must figure out a way to stop that cycling. This is the hardest part, being honest enough about your own emotions/turmoil, looking within yourself. I don't know if this helps, but you know your riding the roller coaster, but you truly need to act like your standing in the hot dog line instead. Its a façade, fake it till you make it. You must also stop trying to put ANY kind of timeline on this if you want it to work out. Are you willing to wait a year or two? you can have your bad days in between of course, but the goal must be set in your mind.
You are either going to stand for your marriage or not, when you've finally come to that decision you will know, there will not be a second you waffle about it. Right now, you just ordered yourself extra with blueberry toppings and whipped cream. You obviously want your marriage, now put in the work, on yourself. Give her the time SHE needs to figure out her own guilt/issues/responsibility in it. You cannot do any of that for her.
