I said that I was sorry he felt that way, but he can talk to my lawyer if he wanted convo on D. Well, he got angry and said that if that is how i wanted to "play it" then either one of us could go for anything from each other in the D. He also said the D was going to happen whether I liked it or not.
THAT was the PERFECT opportunity to validate. "I'm sorry this makes you angry, that's not my intention. The only reason I'm involving a L is I can't think clearly on this and I need to make sure my rights are protected just as you need to make sure yours are. Rather than the two of us arguing about this let's work through our lawyers and let them argue it out."
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Well I blew it and mentioned the OW and how he was a liar and a cheater.
LOTS of anger there. Anger comes from a place of pain, but as long as you let that pain convert into anger you will NEVER address the underlying pain. Instead you'll live constantly in a place of pain, always angry, never feeling better. You need to learn to process the pain, to work through it instead of ignoring it. Are you seeing an IC? If not you should consider one. Also try reading The Happiness Trap.
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I was so upset with him, that I threw a shoe at him because he wanted to hurt me, so I told him not some closer so I threw a shoe.
You were out of control, and now you want to blame him for it. Please see this for what it is- abusive behavior.
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This was probably the first and last argument heated argument between us, because I am done with his lying and cheating.
If you are done with him and want a D then that's certainly your choice, but these anger issues you're having still need to be addressed or they will follow you right into the next R.
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He also has an issue with watching porn, but I have never exposed that.
99% of men watch porn and the other 1% lie about it. Sure it's a problem if he watches it every waking hour or at work or something, but if he just watches some now and then, well I hope you're not expecting to find some guy out there that doesn't have this "problem".
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I feel so unloved and pitiful. I have allowed him to cheat and lie to me for months!!
He's the one having an affair, not you. The guilt is his to bear.
