One giant leap forward! - Part 6

[labug]

It's not that I can't do the driving or she can't do the driving.

I don't want to do it all. She doesn't want to do any of it.

I want to be a man that doesn't let his XW run rings around him which she is currently doing and only I can stop that.
She has been controlling me for a while now and it's been working very well for her. I'm not saying I want to control her but I don't want to be walked over either.

I could sit here now and think I will do all driving just because W doesn't want to, to me that is giving up. Why should I be running myself ragged, leaving work early and spending hours on the road when she just gets to chill out at home. I'm not having it if I help it.
It's not about punishing her or winning it's about sharing the responsibility.

I did read that book, I loved it because it was so short and to the point.
It's not until I just read them again after you wrote them that I am much closer to being that than I was.

I don't want to do it all. She doesn't want to do any of it.

So you're at an impasse and either one or both will have to make a movement.

I want to be a man that doesn't let his XW run rings around him which she is currently doing and only I can stop that.

So how will you do that? Did you read my post where I said if you can't pick up the kids you can't do it. Be honest, be impeccable with your word, don't use your words to try to get her to do something you think is responsible. Tell her outright, if she disagrees, she disagrees. Then you have a decision to make. Don't paint yourself into a corner with ultimatums.

If you well and truly can't drive every weekend to get the kids then say that. If she can't drive them to you, then you know what you have to do if you want to see them. If you can't, you can't. You say you don't want to have these interactions with W but you continue to engage. If she can't bring them to you, you say fine and you go pick them up or not. There doesn't have to be another conversation about it at all. "Thank you very much, W I can't be there this weekend" or "Thank you very much W, see you on Sunday."

Be honest. Stop the game playing. It's easy.

Who knows what might happen down the road? Just be honest and willing to take the consequences of your actions, whatever they may be.

You have come a long way but you are your roadblock, not your W.

Don't let fear of the unknown cripple you.