Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[MyNewStrength]

Well, I roped myself into a discussion (argument) with spouse. I tried not to respond. We had dinner and he is talking about work and then he asks about when we can have conversation about D. I said that I was sorry he felt that way, but he can talk to my lawyer if he wanted convo on D. Well, he got angry and said that if that is how i wanted to "play it" then either one of us could go for anything from each other in the D. He also said the D was going to happen whether I liked it or not.

Well I blew it and mentioned the OW and how he was a liar and a cheater. He is suppose to be a officer and that he had no moral values. (yes, I know it was wrong, but I was so emotional). I also told him that if he could not be honest with me about his affair then yes of course he would have been unhappy with me because he has been living a 2 life lie - one where he wants folks to believe and trust in his honesty and integrity and the other where he is bonking the OW and being secretive and dishonest in carrying on an illicit affair with a married woman with children. The OW H is also a state patrolman.

I was so upset with him, that I threw a shoe at him because he wanted to hurt me, so I told him not some closer so I threw a shoe.

He stopped and just sat on the couch and asked how much longer I was going to "lecture" him. I then quieted down - well we both did and he just hugged his knees and rocked back and forth a bit. This was probably the first and last argument heated argument between us, because I am done with his lying and cheating. He also has an issue with watching porn, but I have never exposed that. I told him that his OW was using him and that I have been a friend (not just a wife) to him for years on end. I admitted my faults but that he added up my concern and care for him, he would be able to see the difference. Well he told me he is happier being a liar and cheat because he didn't have to think about me or my feelings.

He has lied and cheated on me with this OW for the last year even after coming home telling me that he could not live without me. I feel so unloved and pitiful. I have allowed him to cheat and lie to me for months!!

He makes me feel like I am the most gullible woman on earth and one who didn't deserve to be truthful with. That is why I got so upset tonight, but of course his reaction is "see how you are acting!". But he was the ne who was threatening in that I didn't or don't agree to his every word, which I think I did by saying I am sorry that he felt that way and told him to call my lawyer. Well he doesn't want to go the lawyer for anything but an agreed upon settlement because of the expense. He then also told me that he would call the security department at his job and let them know that I may do something to harm him - not physically, but through defamation (sp??) of character. What? Is he kidding? HE is HAVING and affair and I am the one who is insane???? The A$$ho!e!!!.. He is never going to be able to see how he has treated me without warrant and how he has spoke to me with the most carelessness.

I am not sure what is going on, but he says that he now needs to make coffee at home in the mornings to save money. And the fact that he is pushing for me to by him out of the house is also troubling because I think he wants to take care of OW. She wouldn't be able to move with him or from her H without monetary support and he is willing to give up this house that he spent years building with his own hands. Baffling!!!

Well I was calm by the end of the conversation and h was just like a kid with his knees up and his head on his knees. I told him that I was his friend and apologized for getting upset, but we both pushed each others buttons tonight. He did not respond, but just sat that. I apologized again, wished him a good night and came up to bed to post.

So, I can take it......I reacted badly to him didn't I?