My husband wants divorce but he said we can sign one-year seperation agreement first. He said if I don't want to sign, then he'll file for the divorce right now.
Does anyone here know the difference between seperation and divorce? Anything I need to consider before sign the agreement?
You will want to seek legal advice before signing anything. I think general thoughts here will be that you don't get in the way of a divorce or separation but you don't do anything to help move things forward. In other words make your h so all of the work. Once you get legal advice go ahead and sign. Separation will be better than divorce, all else equal.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Also, don't let your H scare/ intimidate you into S with threats. It sounds to me (because of the threat) like he wants to railroad you into an agreement that benefits him but not you. Be VERY careful about what you sign in an S agreement because many states will take the stance that what was agreed to in S is carried straight into D. By all means review it with a L before signing.
Hi 2ndtime and AnotherStander, thank you both for your advices. I really appreciate it. Since I don't agree divorce or seperation at this time, my H kind of agrees to go to see MC for a while before discuss D/S again. I searched some marriage counselors online, some takes insurance but some not. I'm in USA. Have any of you know how to find a good marriage counselor? and which one is supposed to better, the one taking insurance or the one not take insurance?
Thanks again!
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
I wouldn't recommend going to an MC with him right now. It never helps with a WAS that is one or both feet out the door, they only agree to go so they can say they "tried everything". It might help you to go to IC though, and you might consider a DB coach.
Sorry typo in my above message. Yes, I know he will use that as an excuse. But he threated D/S already. So I think maybe one-year MC will change his mind?
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
I went to a mc with my h a few months after we separated. She told us at the very beginning that she wanted us to commit to 6-12 months of counseling before we made a decision either way, which h agreed to.
But less than two months later, after 3 or 4 sessions, he decided he didn't want to go any more. He felt sure that the mc didn't think our m could be saved, even though she told us she'd seen marriages with physical violence, affairs, and drug use make it if both people were willing to try.
So I think you get out of counseling what you put into it. If your h is just going through the motions to say he tried it, but really doesn't think your m can be saved or is willing to try, it's not going to accomplish much.
In all honesty, I think mc works best when the was or mlc decides they want to work on things so you can learn tools for communicating and dealing with issues.
If you do try it, make sure you find a pro-marriage counselor instead of one who will try to help you through a divorce.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
The DB'ing approach is to give the WAS lots of time and space. MC is the opposite of DB'ing. MC puts lots of pressure on the WAS. It makes them constantly talk about the M, which they do NOT want to do. The C will make them look at themselves and their faults, which they do NOT want to do. The C will also give them homework, exercises to try and work on the M. And.... right, they do NOT want to do that either. MC makes the WAS do all of the things they don't want to do, which makes them angry and bitter and resentful. It makes them want the M even less. Will a year of MC change his mind? Based on the many MC experiences that have been posted on these forums the answer is a resounding NO. Not only that, but it's highly unlikely that he'll make it past a few sessions before he declares it "useless" and decides not to go anymore.
Thank you all for your replies. How to do DB coaching? Do both of us need to participate? Another question, my H will be gone for three days to meet the OW, but he still denies the affair. He also does not want to move out because he wants more timeshare of child cusdoty in the future. Should I tell him I discover the OW already?
M 18 yrs 5 & 7 yrs old kids H DB in 4/2013 H moved out in 11/2013
