so I have decided to send the above to WAW tomorrow morning. the space in between are a couple of emicon bd cakes with animated candles. I will be saying nothing else in this email other than whats above...
This as I have been n/c for one month. I will peek out just for a moment to do this then shut down again for however long it takes for her to initiate any contact...
Well done, that's a simple message and will do the job Remember no expectations though and you won't get disappointed. I know you wanted to send her this message and if you didn't then you'll agonise it for days afterwards. Glad you're starting to take on board things that people are saying on here and you're really starting to have a much better attitude to your sitch Keep on keeping on
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks TTD, Yes, I'm am in full DB swing mode. And I believe that I am actually doing better because of the lack of contact with her. Pastor however, wants me to say HB and follow up on her getting back to me about filing for divorce. He suggests asking for the simple courtesy of her intentions. And if she again doesn't respond then he says that would show how she wants nothing to do with me. I guess he is right about that but I'm just not sure if that is the case. BUT, as sandi2 said if I were to push this I probably wouldnt like the answer and that I believe is absolutely right.
I agree with Sandi2 2old and not your pastor. Unless your pastor reads DB, he doesn't understand what system you're working on if that makes sense. It's the same with my counsellor. I'm afraid I don't do anything she tells me to do, she's always telling me to confront him about this and that. I should say to her that I think I don't need counselling anymore, but I've not got the heart to say that, lol. Best thing to do with your pastor is just nod your head and agree and then carry on with DB That's what I have to do to some of my know-it-all friends and my counsellor
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks TTD, Yes, I'm am in full DB swing mode. And I believe that I am actually doing better because of the lack of contact with her. Pastor however, wants me to say HB and follow up on her getting back to me about filing for divorce. He suggests asking for the simple courtesy of her intentions. And if she again doesn't respond then he says that would show how she wants nothing to do with me. I guess he is right about that but I'm just not sure if that is the case. BUT, as sandi2 said if I were to push this I probably wouldnt like the answer and that I believe is absolutely right.
I dont understand his point. Why continue to pursue that question?
If you ask enough then I would think that you will get what you are asking for. I agree with Sandi2.
Of course if you want to be divorced then just file yourself! You always have that option.
I have to say I have tried a lot of advice from many different angles, and at least in my situations, DBing has been by far the most productive. Having had the misfortune of being here the second time around, you'd think I'd know, but it wasn't until 6 weeks in when I remembered this site, and started GALing and going dark that I saw a drastic change in W. And it only took four weeks to turn things around because I already knew the drill and was able to really keep mistakes to a minimum. Still floating in limbo currently, but getting stronger every day.
My W says she loves me, wants to be married to me, believes it's wrong to divorce - but said she's scared to death. I think she'd leave permanently and go against everything she felt if I forced the issue.
My point is, the negative in forcing the question: if your spouse is in a WAS state of mind, coming back/reconciling is a monstrous mountain of pain - so it's easier to run away, avoid, find someone else, etc. By forcing the question, even if there is positive feelings, the WAS will choose to run away. You have to give a reason for them to want to climb that mountain.
JonF that was a very inspirational post for me It gives me hope and sees my back on the road to eventual R. This bit was especially poignant for me -
Quote:
If your spouse is in a WAS state of mind, coming back/reconciling is a monstrous mountain of pain - so it's easier to run away, avoid, find someone else, etc. By forcing the question, even if there is positive feelings, the WAS will choose to run away. You have to give a reason for them to want to climb that mountain.
It's similar to being the spouse only a fool would leave, but you've made it even more inspiring I'm not yet there yet, but I'm working on it, lol. 2old you know what to do, keep it up
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Remember no expectations though and you won't get disappointed. I know you wanted to send her this message and if you didn't then you'll agonise it for days afterwards. Glad you're starting to take on board things that people are saying on here and you're really starting to have a much better attitude to your sitch 