Try Googling "boundary setting worksheet"...you'll get tons of helpful resources and information. This would be a good place to start.
You ask this question:
Anyone else out there - what do you think? Confront or go with the paperwork flow?
I think you may be confusing confrontation with boundary setting. These two words mean a whole lot of difference.
i.e. your daughter has a pack of ciggies stashed in her bedroom drawer. you discover this while cleaning her bedroom and putting away the laundry. you discover the pack. you wait for daughter to come home and say, 'we need to have a talk.' then you reminder her about previous discussions about smoking, about the consequences...then you give her an opportunity to own up to the stashed ciggies. she declares that she does not have 'em. then you whip out the pack...and ask her..."are they yours?" BUSTED!!!
Now to the boundary issue. When W is being disrespectful or asking you to do things that you are not comfortable, then you state your boundary and then enforce it with consequences.
For example:
A parent does not allow a son or daughter to skip school. What are the consequences of that boundary being broken? Privileges are taken away...take away the car, banning phone calls, taking away iPad....you get the idea.
