Well, let me start in the middle... only because I want to continue to be a positive influence and I had a good turnaround in my mood based on my principles and good old fashioned work as therapy (not computer work or office work, but honest to goodness chores that require moving around and using my hands - good for the blood sugar, too).
I was feeling kind of bummed on Sunday (the usual Sunday blahs for me). I didn't want to do any chores and every time I thought about them, I got overwhelmed. So, on impulse since I was standing by an unmade bed (I had washed the bedding then just plopped it on the bed) I decided to give it the old 3 minutes. And after making the bed (and having a good laugh at the cats attempt to help) I felt just enough better to throw on my work clothes and go see what I could take care of in the never-finished garage project (similar to the never-finished shed/storage room/yard projects...).
Then the 50% principle saved me. I had a large pile of wood trim that I needed to pull hundreds of small finish nails out of so it can be painted (or at least stacked neatly to await painting for an indeterminate amount of time....). It seemed daunting, so I decided I'd just plop down on the floor with pliers and hammer, put on some music and start pulling nails. There's been a lot written about the meditative quality of work that requires the hands but not too much of the mind. . I put on some music, got a bucket to sit on when by butt got sore from the concrete floor and figured I'd do half of that project. Sure enough, once I got going, I kept it up and finished the whole lot. And I swept up the garage and shed floors.
Go, me!
Next post will cover the interactions with W and the DBing this weekend, but that's going to have to wait until after work. Stay tuned (and stop watching Big Bang Theory and such!) LOL.
Well, breaking news has interrupted my weekend recap. Got the first R and D related communication from W since the paperwork was started. (Via FB message of course... well, at least it's communication.... just one more thing permanently archived somewhere).
I'm going to paraphrase a bit thanks to google indexing everything on this site.
Basically, she told me of someone she works with who was separated from her H for a few years, and now they're getting back together. They still did stuff together during the separation. She says she doesn't want to be physical, but likes companionship and wants independence right now. She said it could be 2 yrs before anything changes.
She wants to know if I want her to stop the D procedures and stay separated. She thinks its good for use.
But...
She said she doesn't want to give me false impressions about anything else since I made it clear I didn't want to know. But it doesn't mean she knows what she want for her future.
That last part implies OM (The Contractor) may still be in the wings. That bothers me of course, but it could just be a warning for me so I don't overreact. I *want* to know, of course... Have to really think about how to approach that topic.
I haven't answered yet. I think I will tell her I'm thinking it over and leave it at that for a day at least. I do need to ponder. Now that she's stated her intentions, I need to figure out what mine are.
I think that's a good sign. She's smart and wants to take things slow. I'd agree to it and then use everything you've learned so far. Continue to change and lose weight and be an awesome human being.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks for the input MrBond. I actually agree with her that it's good for us both. She's never had any independence and I need time to become the H she'd be a fool to leave.
She just skyped me that she doesn't understand why I don't just hate her for being an awful person. I think I've learned enough from reading DB, DR, and on this forum to handle that one. Truth is I don't think she's awful. She was just in an awful amount of emotional pain and had to do something to get out of it.
I've not been watching BBT tonight, lol, I've actually been to bible study I was trying to find an emoticon there for angel but couldn't find one, lol. Anyway, I think all things consider you're doing really well MH I would agree with your W about the D, with me it's easy as the bible doesn't agree with D. That's the reason that I would give my H if it ever came up again. Well done on completing your mammoth task I agree with you that we need more time to be the spouse only a fool would leave. Like you I'm not there yet either! It's very emotional and messy for both sides getting a D, so maybe you can put that across to her. I would also say that you agree to wait a while and you understand that things haven't changed between you. It must be disheartening to hear her say that, especially after going out together as often as you do. It's the type of statement that always makes my blood run cold! Even if she does have this OM, it can't be serious as she would still be after a D. Would she still be going out with you as much if she did have an OM? People must see you both out and about and wonder what's going on! Good luck whatever you decide to do. Keep smiling The book that you recommended is good btw
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks! I need to get back to that book. I'm only 1/2 way finished.
Good thoughts. I wanted to answer her skype message, so I told her I'd add my thoughts to the FB message.
Yeah, it did give me pause. But, not as much as I would have expected. Maybe it's all the DBing practice, or because I am really starting to enjoy the time and work I've been putting into myself. I agree with your analysis about here motives. I don't get the sense that she's splitting her time with me for companionship and OM for... something more physical.... I just think she's being very cautious.
So, I did answer. Basically I told her I don't think she's awful because I know she wasn't just being selfish or cruel, that I know she was in a lot of pain and her needs were not being met. I agreed that the time and space is good for both of us and that I agree the proceedings should be stopped and we can take the time to figure it all out.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
