Okay, here is my take. Now it may not be the same as everyone else's so you can take it with a grain of salt.
The only thing you haven't done in your sitch is to get angry with your W. She has told you from day one that she wanted you to challenge her. You're still giving in and in her eyes, that makes you a wimp. No woman wants someone they can keep walking all over.
CAse in point...
"BD again. W says it is too late. She plans to sell the house, separate and move in spring. Says our ways are parting.Asks that I not sleep upstairs as she can't sleep and can't stand having me nearby. I said I would think about it, that I understood."
Why on earth would you say that you "understood"? She contribute to the problem as much as you did by emasculating you the way she did. At that moment you should have fired back and said. "What makes you think me sleeping up here has anything to do with wanting to be with an ice queen like you?" All while looking her dead in the eye. And then move on to tell her that you were being polite in letting her have her way all these years, but that enough was enough. That she will NOT continue to talk to you in that manner and that it is your home. And that if she does not like it, she is more than welcome to pack up and leave.
So when she says stuff like this... "Says she thinks D and new lives would be better for both of us."
Stop agreeing with her!
"She says you've known 10 years, I say, yes, but it is still a shock."
No you tell her that you did not know for 10 years. You reverse it and tell her that all you knew was that for the past 10 years she's been nothing but an insufferable nag for whom nothing you did was good enough for. And that if she even gave it one ounce of effort, your relationship would have been so much better.
Plus tell her that you do not appreciate her telling everyone your business before even you find out about it.
Let it all out. After all, what's she going to do...divorce you? Sorry that's already happening. You have nothing to lose at this point.
I would say assert your manhood already and in a drastic way. It's time to stop wondering if what you're going to do is going to elicit a negative reaction from her. That ship has long sailed away.
Start asserting yourself and see what happens. Just my 2 cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
