I have to say I have tried a lot of advice from many different angles, and at least in my situations, DBing has been by far the most productive. Having had the misfortune of being here the second time around, you'd think I'd know, but it wasn't until 6 weeks in when I remembered this site, and started GALing and going dark that I saw a drastic change in W. And it only took four weeks to turn things around because I already knew the drill and was able to really keep mistakes to a minimum. Still floating in limbo currently, but getting stronger every day.
My W says she loves me, wants to be married to me, believes it's wrong to divorce - but said she's scared to death. I think she'd leave permanently and go against everything she felt if I forced the issue.
My point is, the negative in forcing the question: if your spouse is in a WAS state of mind, coming back/reconciling is a monstrous mountain of pain - so it's easier to run away, avoid, find someone else, etc. By forcing the question, even if there is positive feelings, the WAS will choose to run away. You have to give a reason for them to want to climb that mountain.
