wife hardends heart-4

[planet]

Your looking for an answer that doesn't exist

Hmm...
And how does 'hope' and 'faith' fits in?

[planet]

It was an entrepreneur's meetup that i found over the internet. Got to meet new people. Somehow it ended up with us talking about my M.

Anthony Robbins's Awaken the Giant Within' was recommended at the end. Don't know what it has to do with relationship but i might give it a try.

[T1000]

Erm..

You hope that she does go through No1-4 and have faith that she will and it leads to No5

[planet]

Erm..

You hope that she does go through No1-4 and have faith that she will and it leads to No5

Right. It does fits in.

[planet]

I just remembered something.
D3 asked to go to the toilet. W as usual will asked me to go help her out which under any normal circumstances i would be glad to do it. In fact, she will direct any other people who she think would do it instead of her. She's not doing anything most of the time. It is not just this but many other different situations like getting her mobile, charger, pen, etc.
This has been bothering me since we are married. I have complained to her a few times. If she wants something, she should go get it herself.
D4 complained a couple of days ago when W asked her to go get her mobile. D4 said to W, 'Why do you always ask me to do things?'. D3 heard that and volunteered to do it and W praise D3 which made D4 felt pretty guilty. D4 was practically begging W that she's a good girl too.
OM too will do things for her as requested when she could do it herself.
That being said, I did not do as 'directed' and instead told her firmly to do it herself. She stared at me but relented moments later.
Should I 'help' her out as i always have?
One of her complaints after BD was that i complaint fetching what she wanted. Prior to that she will lay out the guilt trip.
Am i pushing her away if i don't wish play fetch?

[MrBond]

"Should I 'help' her out as i always have?"

Of course not. And tell her how the kids feel. Start standing up to her.

[planet]

I went to a job interview this morning. It's my first interview in 13 years. I put in a 20% increment from my current one. It's crazy, i know but I know my value.
The interviewer bargained to have me to lower it but i'm not budging.
Well, I guess i'll know in a week.
To get away from the current job would be best.

[T1000]

My W used to ask me to get her stuff all the time. Used to drive me nuts.
We would both be sat down watching TV and she would ask for her drink topped up or something similar. I would't mind every now and again but it was all the time.

Definitely one of them things I forgot about when BD hit and she was nothing but sunshine in my eyes.
When we were piecing last month (yeah right!) she would try the same thing but I would say no. It was difficult to say no because it meant I was doing less for her than I used to.
At the same time I don't want to spend my life being a servant for someone else.

I think when you first do it it will push her away but at the same time, it in theory will build respect.
I can imagine my W's OM2 is running around like a 'yes man' fulfilling her every whim. He's welcome to it.

Hopefully you get the job and the increment your worth.

[planet]

I think when you first do it it will push her away but at the same time, it in theory will build respect.

W seems to mellow down if i stood my ground. That is of course my view of things but what it does is that I respect myself even more.

Hopefully you get the job and the increment your worth.

Thanks. It's a long shot but it's something i must try.

[planet]

W packed some fruits and specifically told me to hand it over only to my father. My father is the only she respects. I thanked her. Later, I thought to myself why would i want to do that. Why would i want to help her 'punish' the rest of my family. I don't want to be her accomplice so i refuse to take the fruits home. If she wants to behave this way then i won't help her.


Just before leaving, MIL asked about the day W and I went out together. Apparently, W did not tell her parents about the court hearing. I sat down with MIL explaining things to her. She went on and on about what my family and I did to her daughter. W gave her version and made herself into an angel. MIL just bite into everything W has to say. I validated MIL's feelings and at the same time had to bite my own tongue. It's hard to do when you can't share your own version of the events. I told MIL we have to let W go on her own journey and i can't undo past events. She doesn't believe that we could reconcile. She's worried about my kids growing up in a broken family and started to cry. I held her hand and comforted her. It's a pity W's parents can't speak to her without risking a tantrum from W. I have to juggle her family as well?