I do want my M, but it this point, it is hopeless because he attached to OW
It's not hopeless. Lots of marriages have survived infidelity.
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He remembers all of my faults, never counts his own, and believes that he can have a life with the OW.
Standard WAS script. I know it's tough, but many others have been through this too, and a lot of those marriages were saved.
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Does H think about the long term impacts of seeing someone at work? This is a pattern with him. Can he not ask himself why does he do this? Why does he lie to his wife and supposedly "best friend"? Why does he protect OW interest instead of mine?
You'll never get satisfactory answers to these or any other questions about him. WAS's are in a fog and don't think clearly, they're acting on emotions and don't even know why themselves.
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I don't know how to get him to stop taking divorce. He says we need to talk about divorce and that he does not want to think about us, because he does not want to be married to me.
How can I fight that?
You can't fight it, and trying to do so will just make him mad. The best thing to do is to never bring it up. "Act as if" everything is fine, that you are perfectly OK with the way things are. He wants a D? You say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I understand your position." Don't argue/ disagree/ fight/ negotiate. Just validate and leave it alone.
