BC39.....The fight for my marriage continues

[BC39]

BC,
Life is never cut and dry frown. Sounds like your wife is getting folks input just like you are- just in a different way. To an extent, she's still probably deciding what she thinks will make her happy in the long run. I think she's being genuine when she says she's "trying" (btw, hate that term too. W used to say it all the time during her EA). It wouldn't surprise me if there was still intermittent contact going on between her and the OM which keeps her a bit fogged. If for sure there has been zero contact, then perhaps it is withdrawel coupled with her still not feeling "in love" with you yet.

Falling back in love with you, after being out for a while, is a lengthy process, for sure. Can you identify for me what her greatest emotional needs are? Maybe I can help you come up with some different ways to meet those needs.

In the meantime, keep her happy and distracted from thinking of anyone other than you. Upbeat all the time!

Thanks Hopefull.

I think your right in that she deciding whats going to make her happen in the long run. I'd hazard a guess that that question runs through her mind on a loop.

I don't believe there is any contact with OM.

Everything points to withdrawel and not "in love".

Can you identify for me what her greatest emotional needs are? Maybe I can help you come up with some different ways to meet those needs.

I welcome your help

I'm not sure I can even identify what her greatest emotional needs are. I've asked her to tell me in the past and she has a hard time expanding on them herself, so its a bit of a guessing game.

The one I know I wasn't providing pre BD was words of affirmation. I have since changed that. I tell her how much I appreciate the things she does, I tell her she's beautiful often, how proud I am of her for her new business venture, that she's a great mother, etc

I've been trying to increase the quality time.

I listen intently when she is speaking.

...all the basic stuff

During our last R convo last a month ago she said we had "too much surface convo". I don't necessary agree with this but I am trying to get a little "deeper" than the surface.

I've always done a lot around the house. I'm confident its more than the average husband. Many times its more than my W. I know W would agree.

I'm up for any questions you may have for me to help me dig deeper...