To lose his number and never call or text him again. That he hopes she dies and that he will never come visit her ever again. That our kids aren’t allowed to go visit her. He called her a “mother f****** b****” and other horrible things.
Wow. This is why we always encourage LBS's to tell their friends and family to NOT discuss the sitch with the WAS. It never goes well, and often the WAS will blame the LBS for gathering the troops against them (even if the LBS is clueless about it). And the LBS should not discuss the sitch with family and mutual friends for the same reason. Only discuss your sitch here or with people you know have no connection to your H.
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I finally just texted, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and left it at that. (To which he replied, “Huh?!”…LMBO).
Good for you! It's really easy to get drawn into those fights, validating is a much better path because it diffuses things.
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But, here’s the kicker, he showed up at our sons’ football games last night and tried to act like everything was normal.
That's actually quite common. You were on a dip of the roller coaster and now it's climbed the next hill. There are lots more dips and hills ahead, so don't get excited that everything is fine now.
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I haven’t initiated any contact. I’ve let him contact me about the kids, etc. I’m trying very, very hard to stay positive…to work on me…and to be there for my kids.
Great! I know it's tough, but stick with it, it gets easier.
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Anyway, I’m wondering how this all fits in DB’ing. I know it’s been SO good for me to do my 180’s, to GAL, to work on me and stay positive. I can now start to see that I will come out of this a better, healthier person, whether my marriage survives or not. But, I’m confused about whether I should even be thinking about making the marriage work.
You've summed up DB'ing quite well! You should not be trying to make the M work right now. That falls under the category of "piecing" and piecing doesn't start until the WAS expresses interest in working on things. I think your H is a long way off from that point yet. Keep working on you as you describe above, that's your path for now. Make yourself into the spouse only a fool would leave.
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I’ve made mistakes and I’m working on being a better person but I don’t deserve the meanness, hate, and lies that I’ve been shown over and over by H.
You are absolutely right, if/ when you get to piecing these are things to discuss with your H. If he gets to the point of wanting to work on things then you'll need to start dating, and going to MC. You are doing your hard work right now while he's doing nothing. In piecing he'll have a lot of hard work to do including addressing your above concerns. The goal isn't to go back to your old M. It is to establish a new relationship and M.
