I know, I know. So much for staying away for a while. But I feel I need to write about what happened on Saturday. I've got no one to talk about this, really...
I ended up bumping into Joe, and we talked. I noticed/learned several things:
1. He calls the woman "this person" and instead of saying "she" he says "they." For example, "it's completely different with this person," he said. "I remember you used to have dinner ready for me every night, and I thought I appreciated it, but now it's the opposite. I'm the one doing everything and I'm feeling resentful. I don't say anything but now I'm being passive aggressive and not cooking or cleaning to see what this person does." 2. He couldn't get approved for the loan to buy the condo. I asked if the woman had applied with him, and he said no because she has bad credit. So he had to take a loan from his retirement account. Said he's left with almost no money. 3. He already moved in the new place--it's a small 1 bdrm and he somehow plans to live there for 3 years with the child. 4. I asked why he hadn't told me what was going on even though we had been talking pretty much every week. He wouldn't say. Said, "I don't have to tell you." 5. Said right now the relationship "isn't good." That "maybe in the future it'll be good but now it isn't." He intends to test it out to see if it works and if it doesn't, too bad. I don't think he realizes the impact this would have on a child. 6. Said woman is "terrified" by me. That she often makes negative comments about me and he defends me. Then she asks why he loves me so much and they have fights about it. 7. I told him this was it for our relationship as friends or whatever. That our lives would go on completely different directions. He said, "yes, you're probably right." Then he added, "Nothing personal." I think he just said something because he didn't know what to say. 8. At the end of the conference, he waited for me outside the bathroom and said he wanted to say a proper goodbye. Maybe he reflected on what I said before about this being "it."
So bottom line, he is unaware of how his actions are affecting the people around him. He feels he's doing the right thing for him now, and that's what I wanted to convey to you guys. Your spouses are acting out of ignorance and unawareness. They really don't know better.
