i agree with Bug, Tori. i am so sorry to hear the latest about your sitch.. allow yourself the space to feel it... i keep relearning that is the path to letting it go and being free. ((((((((((((((((Tori))))))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Labug and Grace, thank you. Yes, the "high" is gone, and has been replaced with lots of reflection and the return of negative emotions (sadness, anger.)
I realized Joe was calling to catch up because he knew that what was going on would upset me. I also think of how he lied when we first talked about the condo, and avoided me since then. I had to be the one to guess what was happening. He was too afraid of being honest, which is one of the main causes of the breakdown of our M. He continues the same behavior, and since he never had the chance to be alone and grow/learn, he'll repeat the patterns in this and future relationships. I say future relationships because I see him getting a second D sooner or later. The second time around, there'll be a child involved...t's sad, but it's the path he's chosen.
I am going to take some time away from the board. I'll be back to give advice and support from time to time, and also to post milestones like the release of my book. I'm on the alt if those who know about it want to connect with me.
I'd like to thank everyone for the advice and support you've given me. I've been blessed to have you, and don't know how I would've gotten through this without you. Andrew, Kaffe Diem, Tumbling, Wendylon, Grace, Labug, GTO, Ruby, HW, Arsene, FY, Busting, Subguy, BrightFuture, AS, LeftCoast, Mr. Bond, rkyfat, Cadet, and all the others I didn't mention: I will always remember what you did/are doing for me. I send you many blessings and love as you continue on your paths to happiness.
Thank you to Jodi, an amazing coach. I'll always remember what she did for me, too.
This feels like a goodbye (I'm actually a little teary) but it isn't. I'll be around. And I think I'll be able to help you more when I release my book. I'm working really hard to build a strong platform so it can reach as many people as possible.
(((((((((Tori))))))))) You are so loved and so blessed. And I love you so much. You have given me so much. The universe loves you... You have given so much. And I know you will get love back always. Will see you on the alt :-) And I look forward to your milestone updates (autographed book!!)
xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Oh, Tori...I got teary-eyed too! ...and yet, I know we will continue our friendship in the real world... so that makes me so happy to have found you here!!
LOVE YOU!!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Oh, Tori...I got teary-eyed too! ...and yet, I know we will continue our friendship in the real world... so that makes me so happy to have found you here!!
LOVE YOU!!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I know, I know. So much for staying away for a while. But I feel I need to write about what happened on Saturday. I've got no one to talk about this, really...
I ended up bumping into Joe, and we talked. I noticed/learned several things:
1. He calls the woman "this person" and instead of saying "she" he says "they." For example, "it's completely different with this person," he said. "I remember you used to have dinner ready for me every night, and I thought I appreciated it, but now it's the opposite. I'm the one doing everything and I'm feeling resentful. I don't say anything but now I'm being passive aggressive and not cooking or cleaning to see what this person does." 2. He couldn't get approved for the loan to buy the condo. I asked if the woman had applied with him, and he said no because she has bad credit. So he had to take a loan from his retirement account. Said he's left with almost no money. 3. He already moved in the new place--it's a small 1 bdrm and he somehow plans to live there for 3 years with the child. 4. I asked why he hadn't told me what was going on even though we had been talking pretty much every week. He wouldn't say. Said, "I don't have to tell you." 5. Said right now the relationship "isn't good." That "maybe in the future it'll be good but now it isn't." He intends to test it out to see if it works and if it doesn't, too bad. I don't think he realizes the impact this would have on a child. 6. Said woman is "terrified" by me. That she often makes negative comments about me and he defends me. Then she asks why he loves me so much and they have fights about it. 7. I told him this was it for our relationship as friends or whatever. That our lives would go on completely different directions. He said, "yes, you're probably right." Then he added, "Nothing personal." I think he just said something because he didn't know what to say. 8. At the end of the conference, he waited for me outside the bathroom and said he wanted to say a proper goodbye. Maybe he reflected on what I said before about this being "it."
So bottom line, he is unaware of how his actions are affecting the people around him. He feels he's doing the right thing for him now, and that's what I wanted to convey to you guys. Your spouses are acting out of ignorance and unawareness. They really don't know better.
Hello, my friends! It's amazing how fast time goes by. Lots of good things have happened in my writing career. I'm helping a lot of people already! Have connected with folks all over the world who appreciate my writing. I'm even going to appear on TV!
Joe? I now see the end of our M as a blessing. I resisted it so much but I now see that my efforts to save my M didn't work because this R was toxic. I honestly hadn't experienced so much joy in years. I won't say that the negative emotions are gone (I still cry about what happened) but overall, it's the first time since I married Joe that I'm following my true calling and don't have anyone putting me down or making me feel bad about myself. I had been emotionally abused for years, and now I see it clearly.
Joe is having a hard time. He still doesn't know what he wants, and his bad situation w this woman is making him lash out at people (not me, and I'm grateful for that.) He left a message a few days ago congratulating me for my accomplishments, saying he thinks of me, prays for me, and misses me (even though he thought it was "weird" to say so.) I didn't call him back. Just sent him a note thanking him for the gesture and saying I also pray for him (which I do.) Praying for him allows me to see him with compassion, as someone who just doesn't know better, and to advance on my path to forgiveness.
I have not forgiven the OW (the first one) because I still see her actions as evil (not ignorant) so I'm working on having a neutral attitude to start with.
Today I bumped into this friend of Joe's who's super negative, and I always felt obligated to be "nice" to her because she was his friend. This time I don't have to pretend, so I just walked by her with a huge smile on my face.
I feel blessed.
And I send you love and blessings to you all. Will be back soon.
