wife hardends heart-4

[MrBond]

" I hate to break his heart but I'm afraid he's placing too much hope, only to be disappointed later."

Why do you think that? You really haven't done much in your sitch other than to accept what your W has been telling you.

[planet]

W does not want a R.
W does not believe in my changes.
W does not want to forgive my family.
W does not need me nor want my help. She's in better financial shape than I am.
She and the kids are spending time with OM every weekend. They are probably pursuing a serious relationship.
OM is in fact a step up compared to me. Younger, well built, better paid, attentive, etc...

I just started to be a better father.
I tried to fill in my spare time with activities however small.
That's all I have done. I don't think that's going to change her mind though.

[MrBond]

"W does not want a R.
W does not believe in my changes.
W does not want to forgive my family.
W does not need me nor want my help. She's in better financial shape than I am.
She and the kids are spending time with OM every weekend. They are probably pursuing a serious relationship.
OM is in fact a step up compared to me. Younger, well built, better paid, attentive, etc..."

Do you know how many people have heard this and have reconciled? That part is up to you.

[PatientMan]

Don't give up, planet. I'm not talking about your M or your R, I'm talking about giving up on yourself. Just work on becoming the man you WANT to be. Focus on THAT.

Stay motivated to become better. You can do it.

-PM

[planet]

It does feels like I'm giving up on everything. My fear of not being the best father I can be to my kids cripples me. The thought of being replaced defeats me.

With T1000's reminder, it did changed my outlook of things albeit not completely. The fear does creeps up time and again.

Two nights ago, I suddenly woke up only to find D4 saying she loves me. I made sure she's not talking in her sleep by replying that I love her too and she nodded before going back to sleep. That was the greatest feeling that I could ever wish for. I just wanted to share this with everyone.
It does reinforces my believe that I'm on a right track. I'm not sure if I should read more into this other taking it as it is but it sure as hell felt great.

[planet]

I went to pickup my Ds for breakfast. As soon as i got into the house, i noticed there was a bed sheet covering the mattress in the guest room and there's a man clothes hung out to dry outside. Well, it's OMs. I guess he spent the night here and went out for dinner with W and the kids with her sister. I suppose he left quite early in the morning because i was coming over to get my kids pretty much early too. It must be tough for them to co-ordinate.
I wish i didn't see all of this. I don't even wish to find out. This gets me in a bad place. It's tough letting go.

[PatientMan]

Two nights ago, I suddenly woke up only to find D4 saying she loves me. I made sure she's not talking in her sleep by replying that I love her too and she nodded before going back to sleep. That was the greatest feeling that I could ever wish for. I just wanted to share this with everyone.
It does reinforces my believe that I'm on a right track. I'm not sure if I should read more into this other taking it as it is but it sure as hell felt great.

One of the many joys of parenthood! Soak it in!

To your most recent post, it's difficult, but don't waste your energy worrying about things you can't control. You just worry about becoming the best man and father you can be.

The best chance you have of living the best and most fulfilling life possible is to become the very best version of yourself. You WILL find happiness and joy when you go that route, and the people around you will be blessed to have you in their lives.

-PM

[planet]

W and OM are already pursuing serious relationship. There's no turning back for those two. She's after all a 'free' woman.

She spews this morning because she can't do her stuff because I was late. The thing is everytime i'm earlyI explained to her that she's got plenty of time to do her stuff in the afternoon till night. I told her she has more time than I do with the kids and yet she complained.

She wanted to start blaming my family before I stopped her. What is this issue got to do with anything else? I told I have started to change and it is she that is not giving any chance to a R. Probably not the best thing to say. She went off fuming with OM picking her up.

The thing is I've got a meeting later at 2pm and yet she said she wanted to come back at 1.30pm. I got to have lunch somehow. She is really becoming really selfish here.

[planet]

I got a questions here. Hoping to understand more.
When will the WAS stop spewing and getting angry about the little stuff?
Will the WAS regrets leaving?
What triggers the regret?
Will the WAS do some sort of soul searching and actually better themselves?
What to do if that eventually comes?

I don't suppose all WAS regrets but what is the ballpark figure here?

[T1000]

I got a questions here. Hoping to understand more.
When will the WAS stop spewing and getting angry about the little stuff?
Will the WAS regrets leaving?
What triggers the regret?
Will the WAS do some sort of soul searching and actually better themselves?
What to do if that eventually comes?

I don't suppose all WAS regrets but what is the ballpark figure here?

The answer to the first 4 questions are maybe, at some point.
5th question isn't relevant unless well after the the 1st 4 happen.
All you can do is be the best person you can be.

Your looking for an answer that doesn't exist.

Stop thinking about W, I know it's hard, we have all found it very hard at some point.
If it bothers you seeing bedsheets and so on don't go in the house. I'm welcome at W's house but I do not go unless there is a specific reason.
Don't tell her he has plenty of time to do things. It doesn't help you at all.
If your late apologise like you would to anyone else.
If you have a meeting at 2:00 and need an hour beforehand tell her before you take the kids that you will have to have them back at 1:00 and that you have an appointment, she doesn't have to know it's at 2:00.
Don't tell her you have changed. Why would she believe you unless she see's it and makes up her own mind.

You say there is no turning back for W and OM. Wouldn't every one have said that about you a while ago. Things change for good and for bad. Appreciate the good, walk on past the bad.

Put a sticky in your car with some rules on to read before you go to W's, to remind you of where you are, what your goals are and what you need to be doing and not doing to achieve them goals.