Working more on me!

[mishka422]

I know you are all right. If I would just talk about it there most likely wouldn't be this weight on me. Gabe doesn't talk. Ever. You all know I shut down completely when I'm upset or depressed but I'm working on that slowly.......very slowly.......

I shouldn't be so afraid of reactions. What is he going to do? Leave? Been there, done that. If I don't share my feelings then I deserve what I get, right?

Just a feeling of dread, that's all. There is no reason to put this much importance on a stupid date that counts for nothing anymore. ARGH!

Do I want a new date to celebrate? Celebrate what? That's the question. Survival?

I've been telling myself that I don't really care if we get remarried or not but the more I think on it and live like this the more I realize that just isn't true. It's not who I am. Marriage is THE commitment. Without it there is such an easy out. Of course, as we all know, it's always an easy out no matter what. Oh pooh! I don't know where I'm going with this. You see the problem, right? My thoughts go in circles. BLAH!

Round and round and round we go.....LOL