Do nothing, as counter-intuitive as that sounds - at least right now.
When I finally backed off my W COMPLETELY, even though I'd been sort of dim, she came roaring back. Obviously not all relationships are going to be where I am - many times going dark is met with complete silence for awhile.
However, it's the best choice when there aren't many. Here's a story of failure that ends in awesomeness: My 1XW and I divorced in 2010, 4 years after separating - my GALing and 180s were so effective, she still was reconsidering a few months before the final divorce - but she was extremely damaged emotionally from childhood molestation. However, because of my efforts, when we signed the divorce papers, I did it with a smile. Not because I was happy about it but because my heart was clear, I was truly happy with myself, and I loved my life.
The next two years were the best that I can remember- I spent time with and grew unbelievably close to my kids, re-built a core group of friends who would give me the shirts off their back, was 10 pounds heavier than when I graduated high school, and actually built a decent relationship with 1XW (who now respects me and defends me).
What I discovered was ME. Its so hard to see right now - when I was going through the separation, I thought nothing in my life would ever be good again; but I discovered the best of me after being divorced.
So, if your heart yearns, channel it into something for you. Yesterday, I thought my heart would break thinking about my step-kids: so I cleaned my garage, cleaned out my van, did all the laundry. Today, it was still broken for them, so I took my kids to the fair even though I didn't want to go at ALL. By forcing these steps, even when you want to crawl in bed and cry, you will begin to enjoy them, even treasure them, and the fun will start to diminish the rest.
