Actually the reality is probably quite different- your W is not at all happy about the sitch and is certainly not proud of her actions. She feels very hurt and is doing this out of desperation. She feels she has to do this to survive. She is constantly battling herself over whether this is right or not. Try to have some sympathy for her (I know that's a big thing to ask for, but if you can get there then you will experience significant growth through forgiveness), she is hurting as much as you are even though she may not show it.
I can see what you are saying with regard for my W. I know she is hurting and that she is conflicted with her decision. I believe you are right when you said she feels she needs to do this to survive.
I am internally angry that she is depriving our children from growing up in a home with two loving parent. Externally though, I show her as much warmth and kindness as I can. It is difficult sometime when she instigates arguments or tries to push my buttons.
People have said to me that I am handling this crisis way better than they could have. I just tell them that I understand, better than most, what she is going through e.g. MLC/WAS. I don't hold it against her. Its something that she feels she needs to do. I know, (from this forum and many books), that this is a journey that she needs to go through on her own.
I can see why the main issues she is holding against me upset her so much. Mainly financial problems, now exacerbated by attorney's fee's.
She also says I have lied to her too many times. That one took me by surprise. I don't feel I have lied to her at all. I believe she has misunderstood some things that I have told her. Those misunderstandings are what she is interpreting as lies. When I try to explain her misunderstandings, it comes across as defending myself. And we all know that is not the protocol.
As far as closing the door to our M and R. I am at the point where the door is closed on that chapter of my life. At least that is where my head is right now. For my sanity, I have to shut the door on our M. The hoping and praying have helped me get through the crisis. Hope is a very powerful thing but, I need to distance from that hope and get on with my life for my sake.
That's not to say I have locked the door on our M. Just gently closed it. I do still love her for some reason. Maybe its more accurate to say that I loved who she was but, I do not love who she has become. I don't even recognize the person she has become anymore.
She works very hard to convince herself that I am the sole cause of this D.
On a positive note, she appears to be trying to become more amicable towards me. It has only been this way for the last two days but, it nice to see her treat me with some sort of respectfulness.
Anyway, thanks for the responses everyone. This forum has helped me through THE most difficult time in my life. I thank you all for helping me see MLC for what it is. Knowing that there is nothing that we can do to expedite our MLCer/WAS's through this has helped me find my patience.
Like they say, Its not our fault but, it is our problem. I know I have not been the perfect husband to my wife. But I also understand that nobody is perfect.
Alright, enough rambling for now.
Have a great Sunday and may you favorite football team win today!
