Thanks, though your post really upset me. I have never been good at conflict - as can be seen here - but am learning, I think, to be better at it. I feel like I am slowly realizing that I don't need to be afraid, as there is nothing to lose anymore.
My W had told me about her plans maybe a year ago - see my signature block - but this was the first time an external person heard this, making it public and more real.
I am/was not good at understanding/feeling my own worth. My T once asked me what I am worth, and I could not answer straight away. The "what gives me the right to be upstairs?" question was in the same vein. I need to FEEL the right.
I feel terrible about my daughter, whom I love endlessly much. What can I do to fix the bad things she has experienced? I want only the very best for her. I would be ripped apart by not being able to see her.
Decisions about my house will need to be against the background of my W wanting to sell. I can't afford to buy her out directly, I don't think, but as I mentioned earlier, there is a complete small apartment in the basement that I could live in, and so not lose it completely. I could also imagine a family living in the upper two floors (there are three in total), having bought my W's half, and then buying back my W's half, with me in the basement.
The thought of losing all the memories in this house and the kids' childhoods hurts. I don't want this to hurt the kids.
I guess all this is a lesson in becoming a man and learning courage. Unfortunately it appears losing my marriage was the price.
I can email a lawyer I worked with before about visitation stuff. Luckily D and related issues are a lot more straightforward in Sweden.
One important issue is that W did not want formal papers for a divorce, at least a few years ago ("this can just be an agreement between us"). This has the large disadvantage that my W would then still have rights to whatever social security payments I make, which I do not want. On the other hand, making it official, on paper, seems like the slamming of the door on our M, never to be opened again.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
