Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[MyNewStrength]

After my very "bad" day yesterday interacting with my H, I am resolved to avoid any and all discussions moving forward to the greatest extent possible.

I started doing additional research on if this ends in divorce. I spoke to a lawyer 2 weeks ago and he gave me some insight on how things can proceed:

(1) I asked could I expect if I did NOT contest the divorce? His response was that in VA, there are 2 types of divorce - limited and absolute. Limited is what my H wants because is sets the grounds for a no-fault where we live separately for 6 months (we don't have children) because either of us could file. The divorce can proceed quickly after filing - anywhere from 30 to 90 days.

(2) I asked could I expect if I did NOT contest the divorce? I could do this based on the grounds of adultery. However, I need to have unequivocal proof of his affair. I have voice recordings of him speaking with her, telling her that he LOVED her and missed her and that he could not wait to see her. Several conversations I have recorded. My lawyer said I could file now based on these grounds and could be granted an absolute divorce. However, the financial implications or dividing property will be left up to the judge, but the judge could take into account my H's affair when deciding on dividing property.

(3) I asked about my rights to financial and home resources? If the affair can be proven, the judge could require my H to continue to pay for all home expenses he currently pays today until the absolute divorce is granted. In addition, he can also decide (based on evidence provided of affair or marital cruelty) to grant me a portion of military and civilian pension. One of the things I always wanted to do was go back to school for my MBA - I could write this into the settlement according to my lawyer because of the support I provided to his military service. Or, in the event that the affair cannot be proven to a judge, the judge may decide to divide the property 50/50 based on when we married.

I am not sure about what I want to do, but my H has been so disgustingly cruel and his betrayal and lies are really mounting on me to the point where I am considering filing now. However, this kind of contested divorce can take anywhere up to 2 years, because the court dockets are backlogged. My lawyer also said that the I hold all of the cards especially since he is the one seeking D and I have proof of his conversations with OW. I am also thinking about hiring a PI to provide the unequivocal evidence. I just want to make sure that get my fair share after forgiving him once before and to have this happen again.

Any thoughts?