What a journey it has been for me. That emotional roller coaster ride has been going on and on. That journey to be a better person has put me onto my own walking path. IF anyone told me whether i'll be able to stay this strong today 6 months ago after my BD, I would definitely not believe him/her. It is only after finding this website and reading DR that I manage to find my path. Great thanks to everyone and their support given to me. I really appreciate it a lot.
Here I am on my birthday today thinking back on the past 6months. Everything that I've done started off from trying to reason with my W. Then it proceed to begging and crying. All these never worked. Then came the spying of my W phone and discovered that she's talking to other male. Confronted her and it did not end good. Went back to the cycle of begging and crying again.
During the period of begging and crying, I looked at myself from afar and realized that I was not the person who i used to be. I was putting my W up onto a pedestal. I was worried that every action i did would anger her. I basically apologize to her eventhough i was not in the wrong. However i couldn't stand to lose my W and went on the cycle again eventhough i need to change myself.
About 2 months ago, after finding out this website and reading DR, I realized all the mistakes that I've made. I know that my marriage broke down due to the both of us. However, I owe up to my mistakes which i commited to my W in writing. She replied that it's good that i realized the mistakes that i've done and wish that I would let her be alone as she is hurt whenever I contact her. She hoped that i've move on with life just as she is doing.
Thus from then on, I've been in no contact with her. I've been reading up a lot on relationship books and knowing the wrongs that i've done being a better person. Enhancing my knowledge base on how to react in the future. Fast forward to today, I've been thinking of her for the past few days. I wanted to text her "I miss you, W" but i've decided to apply the 48hrs rule.
It has been more than 5 days since i want to text her and i still have the feeling of doing it. I do know that IF i were to proceed to text her, i should not have any expectation from her. It could be that it's my Birthday and i'm getting emotional.
