...and would I ask an abused woman what she did to bring on the abuse? No. But I would ask her what it was that attracted her to this man. I'd ask her how she interpreted his behaviours. For example, women I have known professionally and personally who have suffered such abuse will say that they saw his jealousy, possessiveness, controlling nature as love. Would you think that a man who calls you twenty times a day, asking where you are and who you are with etc is loving? They do. Also, abusers pick their victims just as any other predator does. They look for weakness and vulnerability to exploit. If you were a purse snatcher and you have the choice of an frail elderly lady walking alone on an unlit street or a young athletic looking woman walking on a well crowed well lit street, which would you pick? Abusers work the same way. So yes, your W may be an emotionally abusive person but that is why I ask you to look at what drew you to that type of person, what was she competing in you? If you recognize it, you can fix it. The reality is abused people will often repeat the same experience in the next R because they haven't dealt with what drew them to that in the first place. Don't let that be you!
