I agree with no expectations. I sent H a birthday card that I'd made myself so it didn't cost me anything but time. I got nothing from him on my birthday, I even had to remind him it was my birthday! I was very hurt!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks for jumping in here AS. And of course my ole bud TTD. Thing is here, I had sent a dayspring ecard almost three weeks ago for anniversary. They always return receipt to the sender which WAW knows about. And well, she never picked up the card. This is why I have been having such a difficult time deciding to say HB or not. Because since that time I have gone dark and it's now been 3 weeks since she responded to my email of the same time frame. I am leaning towards being the bigger person and saying HB in an email. BUt I cant help to wonder how she might react if I did nothing like u said TTD, maybe she would see something else.
The only thing is she has been staying n/c also except for the email about letting me know on the "matter of filing for divorce. (she hasnt said anything since) So we are now both definately in the no contact mode. Still find it unreal how she is doing this but......I have accepted it and doing alot better with it. Not great but definately better....
Glad to hear you're a lot better with the sitch It's something that is going to go round and round your head until her b/day. Stop stressing about to send or not to send that is the question You'll only make yourself ill Since you first asked the question, count up the number of replies. If there's more send her an email then do that and vice versa. The fact that she didn't acknowledge the anniversary card though speaks volumes to me I think you've got to keep yourself busy. Plan loads of things to do between now and Weds and her b/day may go by without you even thinking about it! You might even be too busy that you "forget" her b/day. Also think about the consequences, what's the worse that could happen if you send her one or don't send her one? She may acknowledge it and say thank you, but then when it comes to your b/day and she "forgets", you'll be bitterly disappointed. I know I was when H didn't even acknowledge my b/day at all! I even saw H on my b/day and I had to remind him what day it was!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Funny you said that TTD about my bday. Its 3 weeks after hers and to be honest I dont know if she would even acknowledge it. SO I have NO EXPECTATIONS about it. Someone told me that when I sent the anniversary email to her that I may of put her on the spot since it took her 5 days to respond and negatively at that. A pastor also used the "speaking volumes" statement regarding her lack of responsiveness to that email. And here u r using also. And u r right, not picking up that dayspring card b/c she knew it would bounce a receipt back to me does indeed and sadly speak volumes about her current state of mind. She is definately keeping more distant than ever before. And you know how little before was...lol...I guess I am simply getting use to it now. Many more better days than bad, but I still hate the bad days....
I know the bad days are hard, they're even harder when my parents join in with the hate campaign! At least you know where you stand with W at the mo, I have a lot more contact with H and he just confuses me! Glad you've got a pastor you can talk to Hope he is pro marriage. You've read the rejoice ministry testimonial where she says that her pastor persuaded her to divorce her H. How's the job front going, any news? What have you been up to? Have you found some more things to do with your time? You could always read war and peace or painstakingly build the titanic out of matchsticks, lol. Just kidding with you here
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well, today I had a 2nd interview with the vp of the company and it went very well. Might know tuesday. Of course I will be sad if I dont get it. My D left this evening for Virginia as her girlfriend who is in the airforce and her will be leaving tomorrow for Ireland. The trip will be for a week and I am very excited for her. Myself and the SIL will be taking care of mu grandson 4 years old.
As far as where my W stands at the mo, I dont really know only because of the lack of contact. I almost think I would prefer to have contact like u r with ur husband. At least that way you do indeed know where things are even if they arent good.
2old I've been away from boards for a little while so catching up on people's sitch's. First off good luck on the potential job.
So I just read through 2 pages discussing if you should get her a B-day card. Do you want to? IF yes do it with no expectation, if not sure then probably better you don't. OK...
Now, what have YOU been doing to keep yourself busy? What type of stuff are you working on to improve you?
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Thing is here, I had sent a dayspring ecard almost three weeks ago for anniversary. They always return receipt to the sender which WAW knows about. And well, she never picked up the card. This is why I have been having such a difficult time deciding to say HB or not.
Really sorry she didn't pick up the card, little things like that do hurt. But try not to read anything into it, maybe she just hates those ecard links (I know I do).
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I am leaning towards being the bigger person and saying HB in an email. BUt I cant help to wonder how she might react if I did nothing like u said TTD, maybe she would see something else.
Whether you do it or don't do it, you've got to quit worrying about what her reaction is going to be. This isn't a chess game where every little move might lead to victory or defeat. She's a WAS, she's done. Nothing you do right now is going to make an impression on her right NOW (although it might later). You need to have confidence in yourself, do what you think is right and do it with NO expectations because you are confident that you are being true to yourself. If you send a message and you get no reply, you should still be able to think to yourself "well she's a WAS and she's following the WAS script, but what I did was the right thing and I'm glad I did it." Make sense?
I agree AS and Spartan So you'll have your hands full next week with a little one running you ragged, lol. That'll keep your mind off your sitch that's for sure! Actually you really don't want to be in my position where I've got H ringing me up and coming round all the time as I don't know whether he's coming round to R or just good friends. It's actually a big relief for me that he's on holiday this weekend as I can get on with my life, lol. I can't stand this limbo land! Good luck with the job, hope you get it
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
"If you send a message and you get no reply, you should still be able to think to yourself "well she's a WAS and she's following the WAS script, but what I did was the right thing and I'm glad I did it." Make sense?"
Sure does make sense....And to not at least say HB would be wrong IMHO. B/c this is who Iam. Oh I have been faithful to staying n/c for a month now. So, I cant where just saying HB will hurt as long as I remember NO EXPECTATIONS! This is where I trip up somewhat. Although I have detached fairly well, and the n/c has helped me alot, I still think in my mind that of possible expectations. So I must work this out of my head. This week is 5 months since W flew away (literally) and I feel my BDing has gotten much better.
As far as the dayspring card AS, it's not that she doesn't like them, she sent them alot. It's what I might of sent is why she didnt accept it. And believe me, it was nothing more than a general acknowledgement of our anniversary nothing more.
So, she remains in full script and I'm dealing with it a whole lot better than before. Still socks however.
It's something that is going to go round and round your head until her b/day. Stop stressing about to send or not to send that is the question