Hi everyone, sorry for not following up on any sitches or posting lately. I have been having such a hard time with my eye, and had to see the surgeon daily and was on hourly drops, but it is finally feeling better. I think it's made me feel a bit depressed, because I have been eating everything in sight. Not good
Bright and Wonka, I read your scenarios about the cockroaches and drunken parties and water being turned off! Made me laugh out loud in the surgeon's waiting room. I thought it was pretty funny, but listen to this, I got an email from H today, another short casual one, reporting on the weather, hoping I am feeling better, saying that he is not experiencing as much culture shock as he thought (yeah, right!), and mentioning that his flat is very very small, and he is thinking of moving to a hotel for at least a couple of days! So....what happened to his dream to live like a Russian for a month? Maybe it's the Tramp who is suggesting it, she'd probably like to stay in a nice place for a change. But I remember him complaining that even a cheap hotel room was over $100 per night, gonna burn thru those rubles pretty fast!
I am grateful and amazed really, that I have heard from my H at all, I really did not expect to!
I had an consultation with my divorce attorney yesterday. I wanted to know my rights, and also whether the INS would count any spousal support I would have to pay H if we separate towards the $19,500 yearly income he would have to prove to get the Tramp a green card. She confirmed that I would have to give him 30% of my pre-tax earnings, yikes, but said the INS are not idiots and, since the spousal support would stop if he remarries, they would not count it as income.
She is a really nice lady. I think I've mentioned that she turned out to be my boss's daughter, AND that I took care of her secretary's son in the ER. Amazing. Anyway, she told me a really interesting story.
She said she thinks her own H went thru a mid life crisis when they had been married about 20 years - he started having affairs and told her all that "I love you but..." crap. She said she stuck it out for about 4 years and then decided she was done and divorced him. She said that about 2 years later, he went back to his old self and wanted to reconcile with her. but she was too afraid that he would cheat on her again so she turned him down, and he moved on too, but she always regrets it.
So she understands what we are all going thru, and gave me good advice. She said that only the person Standing can know how much he or she can take, and that she understands what it is like when your friends tell you that you are ridiculous, but from looking at the clients in her divorce practice, she thinks that at least 50% of the MLCers come out of MLC. Including her own husband. And she wishes she had stuck it out another 2 years. She said that the longest she heard of was the MLCer coming out in 7 years. But she never pushes D if her client wants to try to wait it out, because she knows it is often worth it.
But holy macaronis. That is half encouraging and half discouraging. I truly don't think I could stand another 3 years of Russian tramps. From my reading, I thought the average is 3 to 5 years.
Nero, I sort of agree with your H's aunt that you should hang on and not leave him or the house because "it's just sex." To us it is a horrible betrayal, but I try to look at the A as "just sex" to make him feel better about himself. Not a real relationship, not love, just sex. But it's hard, isn't it?
Thanks for your kind words Dawn. I am usually optimistic, but this eye thing has sure taken the wind out of my sails. I was imagining having a car load of fun while H was away, and instead I have been spending hours sitting in the eye doctor's waiting room every day, and then having my eye poked and burned with drops. But AT LEAST I HAVE EYES, and my vision is blurry but it will clear up when the swelling goes down. I am truly grateful for my vision!
NLT did you really have a kitchen full of cockroaches in Jamaica??? Yikes, the thought puts tingles down my spine. Yucko!
Thanks for checking on me FC (I keep wanting to write AS, sorry) and Ellie. I AM on the mend, and will be fit as a fiddle to fly out to London Tuesday night.
I was sort of debating whether the trip is worth the money or not, and thought I might be better off with a life-style life (have you seen those amazing advertisements, they couldn't possibly be true! ) -- just in case things don't work out with H!! I'm looking forward to the trip though!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
She confirmed that I would have to give him 30% of my pre-tax earnings, yikes,
Remember, though, that alimony is tax deductible to you. So your actual cost, after tax breaks, depending on your tax bracket, might only be 70-80% of that amount. (My H's tax bracket is so high, that between state and fed taxes, what he pays me in alimony only costs him about half as much).
I was sort of debating whether the trip is worth the money or not, and thought I might be better off with a life-style life (have you seen those amazing advertisements, they couldn't possibly be true!
RL, I’m glad to hear that your H has written to you again. You must be on his mind, a save harbor or something… considering he is probably spending time by himself in that apartment, since RT has to work. He probably feels uncomfortable too, among the different culture. This is probably why he wants to go to the hotel, at least there are people around. I’m sure there still is plenty of time to experience the culture shock. Trust me, I went to Moscow in 2005, after 9 years living in the US, and even I experienced a culture shock. My husband probably was better off, since he didn’t speak the language, it was me who had to ask for directions and get the angry spews in the subways and public transportation.
I’m glad your attorney understands your position regarding the D. I wish I had an attorney like this.
I hope your eye gets better before your trip, so you could fully enjoy yourself.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Linda, sorry to hear about the ongoing eye saga, but glad it's getting better. How about a fashionable new eye-patch?
I think your trip will do you wonders. Been chatting with some nice British ladies (one's a transplant to Canada now, but still counts) lately on here (shout-out to TryingToDo180 and Not Quitting). Wish I was going! I've wanted to go back there since I went on a 6-wk European trip in HS!
Funny how Moscow has become the most expensive city on the planet since the demise of the USSR, huh?
Hi DMR! H says the hotels cost a fortune. I just googled the RT's address and it looks like a dump. On the outside anyway, it might be very nice inside.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
RL try and resist the temptation to find out more about ow. No good can come of it, even if she lives in a rubbish tip or the equivalent of the Ritz. It is giving her too much headspace.
Please try and rise above the madness, mentally, and spiritually. Only a tramp goes after married men, and only a deluded fool follows a woman like that.
