AS, where did you read these stories? You might be right about 2 years, but in the majority of the stories I read on this board the WAS maintains the contact on the regular basis. I’m almost 15 months from BD and my H only contacts me for business. I’ve seen him only a handful number of times since BD. I’m losing any hope for him even changing his mind at this point.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
PS- I think the "stud approach" will do far more for your ego, so...
ruby-
AS- Same page, same time!
H is DEFINITELY contacting me more this week after our earlier conversation this week where I told him I am lonely and want more and more a partner to do life with.
I think he's getting a little nervous wants this means or looks like.
He is also suspicious about my BFF from work as he knows we have been texting more lately (I shared this w him after he asked about who kept texting me Sat night at S10's bday party).
He was also ribbing me about "the mysterious guy" who guessed my age to be 16 years younger than I actually am (don't know if he was serious but who cares)... I had shared this w him one day when he was talking about himself and how "other people" think he is so much younger.
Then, there is the 3rd piece of info...that a guy had asked me out this summer knowing I was S, but not D. At some point I had shared that with him also.
SO, he's now bringing all of this up b/c I think he's trying to assess where I am with all this.
We were at S10's ball game tonight and he kept trying to find out "what's going on with you?" I was very tired from the week and honestly did not feel like engaging in R conversation at the game.
He is taking the boys tomorrow night & asked if I had plans. I said, "yes," but didn't elaborate (going out w a GF). He said, "Of course you do," as he knows I've been pretty social this summer. "Do you have a date? LOL?" he asked.
I said, "No, and I have not dated."
He replied, "Well, I would hope not, b/c you would have to be D'ed first!"
I said, "I've thought about dating, but also in the same context you just mentioned." True...dating is entering my mind, but I don't really think I would feel comfortable being in public dating OM.
(I know, I know, some of you would remind me that I've had a bit of a "closet R" with cute guy ...& that he & I have kissed on two occasions at his house. But, cute guy and I are friends, not dating and have drawn the lines in the sand w physicality between us.)
On the other hand, I do NOT trust myself w cute guy...or going over to his house after a couple of drinks as the lines were getting very "blurry" last visit. That just indicates to me my desires to have so much more than I have now... even as superficial and meaningless as that seems.
So, it will be interesting to see if cute guy texts me tonight or tomorrow night (as he has the past 3 weekends he has not had his son)... I'm kinda thinking "no" b/c of the boundaries and not sure he really values our friendship enough to just hang out w/o the possibility of being physical. But, that will tell me SO MUCH about him if that is the case.
Back to H...in the parking lot as we were leaving he said, "Are you all set?" hanging around my car & wanting to know if I wanted a hug. I said, "I'm all set." Something about hugging in public right now is not where I'm at. He asked 3 times!
LBC detaches, WAS shows interest for the first time. Maybe so! (BUt, I still will not settle for being Plan B b/c OW isn't working out for him right now!)
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Thanks, 2nd, I don't feel strong most of the time. I just feel like I don't have it in me to wait around and be patient to hold out for what, my already-dead M?
For my H who has been emotionally-unavailable now for 2 years? For someone who is still in love (admittedly) to OW, who he is likely still holding out hope for a R with?
I don't know how to be happy w/o him and I don't really think I can ever be happy w him again. Where does that leave me...? I don't know.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I think your doing great actually, you understand your choices, that's a huge advantage.
Your not there yet as far as committing to a choice, nothing wrong with that. You'll know when the time comes, no question about it. I don't think your going to waffle once that choice is made either.
You've set yourself a time frame, its a step towards progress for YOU. You can stick with it, or change your mind to sooner or later too. Theres no rules you have to stick by other than what you think is best for YOU. I think you know, and it seems like you've already seen, someone is/can be attracted towards you, and you about them. So take that pressure off yourself. Your a strong, obviously attractive woman with a heart that needs attention too.
You'll get there, either way, and you know that, really you do. Give yourself a little more credit. I know you know you'll find happiness again, you deserve it.
Thanks so much, fly, I really needed the support and reminder that I will find happiness again, one way or another. And, you are right, I do (we all do) deserve it!
Spartan, thanks, I do feel strong more and more (overall), but I have my moments (like earlier tonight) where I have moments of weakness and clarity evades me.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
He replied, "Well, I would hope not, b/c you would have to be D'ed first!"
HA! That should have been a question rather than a statement, because how bold is he to assume you have to follow HIS rules? It's OK for him to trash the M, but oh, by the way, you're not allowed to date because that just wouldn't be right? Cry me a river WAH!!
Quote:
I said, "I've thought about dating, but also in the same context you just mentioned."
I love that response, because it's the kind of response that'll make him wonder what you meant
AS, where did you read these stories? You might be right about 2 years, but in the majority of the stories I read on this board the WAS maintains the contact on the regular basis.
Personal stories: my dad- mom was a WAW and tried to return after 2 years of living alone and multiple OM but he was done. My stepdad- his XW was a WAW and she tried to reconcile after 2 years of almost no contact. He too had moved on. A buddy of mine- his WAW approached him after 2 years of not talking at all and just wanted to be a friend, they started going out and eventually ML and now they're madly in love again. Then I was listening to a radio show and there it was again, a man was talking about how he and his XW were back together after 2 years (it was actually a financial advice show, so no details on that story). I've dug around into some really old threads here and maybe it's because that 2 year thing is stuck in my head from the above stories, but I keep seeing that number recur.
