Two Roads Diverged In a Yellow Wood... Part 2

[chasingpavements]

Hi Fly! Sorry I think I missed your comment or it may have shown up later. Thanks for your insight, it made me feel a lot better!

In all honesty, I think it actually might help the situation thou. Theres never been the "what am I missing" time, this might be just what the dr. ordered.

Let him discover on his own. Sometimes that's just what needs to happen for them to understand. My IC just read me a study that says, couples that separate actually do better than couples that stay together and try to work it out.

I think you are right, and us being in limbo certainly wasn't helping any. Everyone says it takes a major crisis or change in order for the WAS to gain clarity. I also don't think that all of his unhappiness is due to our marriage, I think there are other factors. My opinion is that he will still be unhappy after he moves out, and then he will probably realize that some of his unhappiness is coming from within. I guess time will tell, I am not going to hold my breath. I think he is realizing already that I am moving on.

I don't see anything wrong boundaries, in fact I think there essential. I also think its important, for you, to move his stuff out of your bedroom, if it gives you anxiety, then get it out. Maybe move the furniture around, paint it a new color, just DONT treat it like a cave that you rarely venture out of.

Already done, I moved his clothes into another room. My plan is to try to get out of the house as much as possible, exercising and doing activities with the kids, and of course, soccer I have already just re-painted the bedroom, perhaps I will paint another room.. I am kind of a paint addict.. love painting and decorating, keeps me happy and sane!

I know we're not supposed to mind read, or project our reasoning. But I think both of you made some progress during the last couple of months. Its a start, now he needs to see what the other side looks like for a little bit, I don't think its what he thinks it will be. But he needs to find out. I know my wife, and I know its taken a few months, is finding that out now.

You're right, we have made some major progress! I feel really good about that, that we were able to make those changes, I didn't know it would be possible! We had some major barriers, and we broke through. I feel so good about that.

I think he is having the typical 'grass is greener' syndrome. Trying to find his happiness elsewhere. Problem is that right now he is for the most part living as a single person, staying overnight at his brother's house, while I handle most overnights with the kids and he is free to go out as much as he wishes. He must feel such freedom right now. I want him to finally face the reality of our separation. I think he might start to realize that once he has his own place, because right now it is party time at his brother's place!

its just the beginning of something new, either way. Your really going to be able to detach, your really going to see things differently as your not so close to the sitch. Its almost enlightening. Your finally going to get a break from trying to be perfect around him and the pressure that goes with that.

I really hope so Fly! I hated limbo so much, and trying to be perfect, and that my future depended on it. I feel I was pretty strong for enduring all of that.