I have to admit I sure would be tempted! And, as ridiculous and one-sided her sight gets, you may have to say or do something to assist her in focusing on the fact she made the chice to leave and she can't have EVERYTHING her way all the time. We usually practice telling the LBS that it is not his job to punish the WAS. However, (and depending on the individual stitch), I personally believe the WAW needs to realize the consequences of her choices.
As already stated, your W is very immature in ways, but she knows how to work you for her own good. She knows just the right words to throw up to you to feel guilty enough to give in to whatever she wants. If you don't feel sorry for her, or she can't entice you sexually (including jealousy), she uses the kids to get her way. You are the only one who can teach her that it no longer works.
Think before you say something and then reget it, or worse......have to take it back. For example, if you told her you wanted the boys three weekends out of four, you shouldn't have added that part in the response. Even though I gave you those words, always check to see the facts are correct. She will try to call your hand on that remark, but she'll still come around b/c she doesn't want to be tied down with them over the weekends.
It is Friday here, and I am wondering what you are going to do about the boys this weekend. Were you previously scheduled to go get them tonight?
Btw, remember me telling you how a lot of mothers have a rougher time with their children (due to health problems, special needs, etc.)? LTH is an example. I am glad she brought it up.
Oh, and you asked about responding to her rage or ignoring it. What have you done in the recent past months that you could see more successful than other times? I understand it's very difficult not to respond, but if you cannot stay in control of your own feelings, try to at least give it some time. No, you don't want to give the impression you are cowing down, but neither do you want her to know she can get you worked up. That is giving control over to her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
