Window of opportunity or just a mirage

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Your attitude is starting to bug me. She is reaching out to you which is a sight bit more than most people on here get from their WASs... and somehow this isn't good enough for you.

Why is that?

I'm just frustrated because I feel stuck. I have have been going through variations of w seemingly wanting to spend time with me since the middle of May. Things fall through, get canceled, or get rescheduled. Months go by and I am still in the same place. I am also concerned that she is just cake eating with me. I appreciate everyone who reads my situation and makes comments. I get that other people may see my situation as a more positive place to be compared to where they are. I don't really know where I am. I know that w is dating others and is not happy with what she is finding. That's what she told me the last time we were together. She seems to want the unconditional love she gets from me while she goes out and has fun with others.

[T1000]

Have you recently turned one of her invites down?

Have you tried saying something like: "Not quite sure right now, give me a shout on Monday."

[Ambivalent]

2nd time,

I just read the whole thread, and I'm a woman. From what I've read it seems as if she is stringing you along. Why? Because you are too easy!

I have had friends do this to me, and I don't appreciate it. Constantly make plans and then cancel. Really uncool and somewhat annoying. Now you probably can't tell her what she is doing is rude, so the next best thing is to not accept. Or you can set some boundaries. Time is important, and she is taking up your time. You have held a spot in your life/schedule and she keeps coming up with excuses to cancel.

Stop pursuing her with the little texts of letting her know what you are doing. Stop trying to be there every time she reaches out. Try and be a wee bit dim. Do NOT ask her to do anything!

From reading your posts you sound desperate and anxious. Start filling your time with some hobbies, or something that places you in contact with a mixed crowd...men and women. Dancing , meet-up group or something like that. Not just your kids, but other adults.

You aren't detached at all, everything you are doing you are doing based on what she may do, think, or act.

I get it...I'm in month 4 of my runaway H. I don't ask him what he's doing and I'm not telling him what I'm doing other than work or school. I'm trying to let him have space.

If you were doing what you are doing to your WAS to me, I'd feel suffocated. She seems to be teetering and then pulling back.

Give her space and let her come to you. If she asks you out, say no. For you don't seem to be ready to just let it be. When you have gotten to the point where you really could take it or leave it, she'll feel that from you. Then she may wake up, or not.

Make her curious and wonder what you are doing. No more texts...if she wants to communicate with you, she can call. Texts are too easy and can be misconstrued.

What are your goals?
How can you achieve them?

If I seemed abrupt, I certainly do not mean to be. I'm coming from a good place.

You posts did make me think of when I used to date.

Get busier, and leave your phone in the car or other room in the house. It is easier not to keep looking at this way. Turn it off for a few hours.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Thank you all for all of responses. I think that everyone agrees that I am not detached enough. I am sure that is true.. I think and analyse too much. On the other hand from this thread alone it may appear that I am too available, but that is debatable. I have not said yes every time, and she has pursued more than I have. Still I am at a point where I could either back off more or try to be more assertive (which would be a 180 for me). For this week I have already agreed to meet her on Tuesday. She has text me twice since I agreed to go.

Immediately she texted: perfect!!

4 hours later she texted: you pick the spot this time

It feels good right now. If things repeat I will try a change up next time.