Divorced-not done-But wondering ?

[JJAC2005]

First off all….Thanks for the comments
But I do think that there needs to be a few clarifications made with what my quandary was about.

Bond - Yes, you have some of the past history correct as in I was able to have a really good talk with my ex sometime back in the begging of June. (some sort of closure, some sort of an attempt to crack open a wall for opportunity).
I’m sure that she now only agreed to that meeting as to grant me some sort of closure, and to extend a bit of a peace treaty for interacting with the kids in the future. I think that the combination of space and persistence of checking in now and then was working to a certain degree.
I do believe that on that road trip, and during that conversation, at some point along the way she was genuinely took a small interest in listening to what I had learned about my role as a husband, partner and friend…she especially was receptive to my heartfelt honesty and apologies. I also think that as I talked about the interesting discoveries of the natural dynamics that seem all too common in divorced couples or those couples that are even thinking about it. I was fascinated with the male/female mindset and the ways in which we each feed that divisional process. I could see more than a few times, a light bulb went on…..but alas…the following days, weeks and months showed NO signs as to wanting to ask about more.
And After the Golf outing, I assume that her attempt at offering a friendship based on the most basic of premises, that we genuinely do enjoy each other’s company, and have a great time together. And I cannot be more clear on this, “We had a great day together that day”, it’s just too bad I got a little to tipsy and pushed for a kiss….
Now, I am almost certain that her feelings and behaviors influenced her distance after that as in how she expressed guilt about going golfing when she did in fact have a BF.
Since then, there has still been a handful of texts from her that were or could be somewhat misinterpreted as flirting…and it could be that she was just falling back into how she use to communicate with me…..but there has been NOTHING since my messing up the lunch date with the boys.

L4MD – [I don't think JJ was saying he wanted closure as much as "disclosure". Putting it all on the table.]

Correct…I am not looking for any more closure. I was looking for opinions on or examples for “disclosure” on letting your partner (or former in my case) know your desires for reconciliation.
BOND – ["I was asked a while ago that if I still wanted to reconcile with my ex why didn't I just ask her or let her know my desires?
This is based I think mainly on the fact that I am in a unique situation of not sharing children with my ex."]
[It's not a unique situation. In fact you raised her D and son for most of their lives so you should have some kind of connection to her. I mean you do care for your step D and S right?]

Yes, I help raise them…and I care for them deeply…in fact I know she believes in her heart that I did a very good job as a step-dad, and that I gave them a lot of unique experiences that they will always remember. Plus she knows just how much they mean to me and how much I love and miss them.

BOND – [What have you been doing since your D? Have you not progressed in life?
That is one thing that you shouldn't be doing.
As long as she feels you will always be there, she will have no incentive to look back your way. Doesn't sound like closure to me.
Anyway, you told her that you wanted to reconcile before and haven't said or done anything to prove anything else.
What makes you think saying it again will help?
All it will do is show her that you're still waiting for her like some weird stalker.]

As to the “holding pattern” remark or progress in life..…I’m ok with being a “stander”…..and my life is moving along nicely as to continuing to improve (still a slip here and there, but moving along). I’m hoping she has already noticed some things (which I had know she was looking at until going dark). Waiting hopefully, and patiently for a 2nd chance, is all up to the individual involved, but as long as you are continuing to move forward with a solid and productive life, it shouldn’t ever take on a “stalking” aspect. I am very confident that my actions and efforts in this area will start to increase curiosity…..especially with the reinstatement of privileges for spending time with the boy

BOND – [If you tell her that you want to reconcile, she will shut the door on you immediately.
HOWEVER, if you contact her in a friendly manner to ask how your step kids are doing and then slowly lead into how she's doing, you'll be able to get in that way.
BUT be sure that if she asks you how you are doing, DO NOT tell her that you are hoping the two of you get together again.]

I can see bits and pieces here….and I am not going to make some sort of announcement or declaration that I am not giving up at getting her back…I shouldn’t have to, because I know that she knows my heart. All I need to concentrate on is me and my life as good as it can possibly be!

Thanks again everyone for anymore input….