2: I am completely shattered by the time Friday comes. If anything I would like you to be in the boys life's a little bit more than you are already?? They really miss you.
What does number 2 have to do with her driving? What does the driving have to do with you being in their life more, or to do with them missing you? NOTHING! She doesn't want to share anything that requires her giving or doing her part (unfortunately, that is what sharing is about.)
"I really don't think you realise how difficult my life is as a single mother dealing with the boys 24/5. I am mentally and physically shattered. I can not do any more than I am already doing. I'm sorry but no. "
Did she think it was going to be easy being a single mom? Apparently, she did. She can't see how ridiculous she sounds (trying to make you feel guilty again) when she was the one who chose to move that far from you. I honestly don't know how you hold your peace. She makes me mad and I don't even know her. However, I have her number!
She is telling you "no" to helping with the driving? Listen to me, there is one very fast fix to that situation. If she wants you to have the boys more, she will do her share of driving. It is not too much to ask.
Here is a suggestion as how to respond. "I have decided to move forward and plan to take time for a social and personal life. By each doing our share, we can both have some free weekends. I will provide for the gas expenses, but if I have the boys three weekends out of four, as you've requested, then you will have to meet me half way."
She will raise hell at first, but I guarantee you she'll come around as soon as she realizes you will not be guilted into following her demands. But you have to stick to your guns by not letting her control this issue. You have this opportunity to get your life back. I promise, there is no way she'll make it two weeks before she gives in. She wants to have her free time, but she wants to control you. What better way than to keep you as the primary babysitter?
Remember what I told you about guilt. Nobody can make you feel guilty except you.
If she starts having a fit (and she will, b/c she could always manipulate you through guilt), just don't reply to her rage. Stick with it and she will do it your way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
