One giant leap forward! - Part 6

[T1000]

W text this morning:

W: Would you consider me having the kids every 4th weekend instead of every 3rd weekend. Both boys have been asking about you this morning.
W:Could you also please get me a copy of my MOT (annual vehicle inspection)? Needs renewing by the 20th.
Me: I thought that's what it was already. What do you have down as the next weekend you would have them? This is why I have been trying to Skype them, it's too long a period for them to not have any contact.
I Spoke to (local garage) and the MOT is due on the 11/10/13. Make a note of that, it needs doing anytime between now and then.
He also said to tax the car online via the reminder you got in the post. you don't need the MOT in hand plus it saves paying for a new copy.
W: I do need the MOT as I have to do it in person because I use S4's autism certificate to get it free.
Me: Fair point. Makes more sense to put the money towards a new MOT that is due rather than a copy of the certificate that has a few weeks left on it.
W: Can you take my car and get in MOT'd or not?
Me: No

I was cordial towards her and her questions, helping where I thought I should. I had a feeling she might ask me to do it, not my job anymore.

I'm making sure that my answers are:
- Yes
- No
- I will think about it
- I will find out
or variations of the above.

No maybes or any attempt to hide/cower.

The "No" at the end was maybe it a little bit abrupt. I was concentrating on refusing her more than anything else at the time.
When she asked me my automatic reaction in my head was "Yeah no problem".
The "No" felt good and different. It is how I felt and it's what I think is correct.

[labug]

Good for you, you handled that well.

Now enjoy the feeling of having had a good interaction and not letting your mind lead you astray.

[T1000]

I'm having a lot of WAS type feelings lately.
W won't/can't change.
It's fine if we don't R.
Time to move on with my life just as co-parents and nothing more.

Only some thoughts about the kids really put a slight dent in these.

It doesn't bother me. I find myself walking along and just smiling for no reason.
I see new pics of the kids I have put up around the house, I wink at them, smile and carry on.

I managed to Skype the kids last night. W was there but I have no interest in her. Had a great interaction with them.
I set up a domino rally for S4 to watch on Monday and it's been on the table all week and kept falling over. Got to show him last night, it wasn't a total success but glad I got to show him.

Got my school reunion tomorrow night, should be interesting.
I was abducted by online dating last week getting nowhere but hardly giving it a second thought this week and the messages are starting to come in. I didn't think distance/purser would work for online dating

I got some paperwork for the mortgage yesterday, fingers crossed.

I can tell when I'm in a decent place because I look at other threads on here and emotionally they don't bring me down and I can advise with a straight head.

That's all for now.

[MyNewStrength]

T1000, I envy of you because you are handling all of this very well. I feel that I still babble about my situation.

You keep moving forward even though your W doesn't' want to change. I definitely understand and trying to find my own way forward.

Keep it up....

[T1000]

Thanks MNS,

It's long road. I think my W messing me around has helped move move further.

[labug]

It's ok to feel like a WAS. Sometimes things just don't work, even when you try your best.

Do you think continuing to strengthen you might be good before you get into another R?

[T1000]

I emailed W this last Friday:

Hi,

Just a couple of things I want to discuss with you.

Car Insurance. I think you are going to have to sort out your own car insurance some time soon, most likely in October. As I'm the main driver and the car is insured as being here, I am currently committing fraud.
I will also be getting convictions on my licence soon that I will have to tell them about.
I plan to add the money I have been paying for the car insurance to your account with the rest at the start of the month.

Driving. I have been taking the Friday afternoons off work for a long time now and it's time for me to cut that back.
I want us to share some of the driving.

Let me know your thoughts on these.

T1000

I asked her today if she got it and said no so I sent it again and got this reply.

Hi,

With regards to car insurance can you at least help me find some as I have no idea what I am doing.

With regards to driving some of the way I have two issues regarding this. 1: I can't afford the petrol. I do not use my car unless I really have to. 2: I am completely shattered by the time Friday comes. If anything I would like you to be in the boys life's a little bit more than you are already?? They really miss you.

I really don't think you realise how difficult my life is as a single mother dealing with the boys 24/5. I am mentally and physically shattered. I can not do any more than I am already doing. I'm sorry but no.

I will help her find insurance that's not a problem, 10-15 mins online should do it.

I would put fuel in her car for the driving as work pays for it. Not sure how to tackle the other part.
Thoughts??

[T1000]

It's ok to feel like a WAS. Sometimes things just don't work, even when you try your best.

Do you think continuing to strengthen you might be good before you get into another R?

Maybe.
If I wasn't the person I was before W, then yes I should be wary of it.

I'm much more the man I can be now than I have ever been. Much more than before W.

I'm not really putting myself in one position more than the other, I just feel open to whatever comes my way right now.

[AnotherStander]

W won't/can't change.

She thought the same about you, but you've proven her wrong haven't you?

It's fine if we don't R.

Good thought, once you get to the point where you realize you will have a great life ahead whether your W is part of it or not, well then your DB'ing has been a success.

Time to move on with my life just as co-parents and nothing more.

Absolutely. That's not to say you shouldn't keep some ray of hope alive though. You can move on in life and still leave the door open just a teensy crack in case your W knocks.

Only some thoughts about the kids really put a slight dent in these.

Totally natural. Most of us would do anything to give our kids a united family and home. Unfortunately that's not just our decision to make.

It doesn't bother me. I find myself walking along and just smiling for no reason.
I see new pics of the kids I have put up around the house, I wink at them, smile and carry on.

^^Awesome stuff

[T1000]

Thanks AS. The part about the kids helps frame it for me.