Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[Breakdown]

RLA, glad you stopped by! All in all, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction, so keep going!

I don't want you to feel like all of my posts are 2x4s, but I do want you to think about some of these things.

I still don't feel that my H is 100% committed.

What would 100% committed look like? Are you showing him 100% committed? Do you think he thinks so?

I have a very strong personality and I can come across as brash a lot of time. My H does not love this quality. I keep wondering why he married me if it was such a problem for him but that's besides the point because we're married now.

This reminds me of a post I made when I first came to this board. My W and I had gone to retrouv, and she wrote something about what she wanted in a partner, and I said "that sure doesn't sound like me, and I don't know if I can get there." Bond was quick to tell me, if I didn't think I could get there, I should file for D now and stop dragging it out.

So I'll pose the same question to you....what prevents you from changing on this front? Why wouldn't you want to?

I "flip out" basically. When H thinks I am "angry" it's really not anger, it's my anxiety taking over. MC suggested medication. I agreed to look into it.

I'm not an expert here, but I don't think it ever hurts to talk about these things with your doctor.

That plus it's not very fulfilling work. I feel very underutilized. At least it's just a contract position.

So what are you doing about it? How are you working towards what you want?

At the end of the day we were very close friends and I just miss having someone like that in my life (male or female).

I have read so many books on marriage and affairs, and I know you have too. You realize at this point that you cannot be friends with someone of the opposite sex who isn't a friend of your M don't you? That sounds like you are one step away from another EA so I hope I'm reading that wrong.

I hate running but I've gotten into making jam and putting other stuff in jars. I have sauce going at this very moment. GAL is hard though when you are trying to be around for the family.

GAL is really just doing something for you. Since you are missing those social interactions, maybe you can try to find something that fills that void and represents GAL at the same time? Maybe even include your H and do some shared activities.

I am so proud of him for doing all that. He even surprised me with the sink (it has been broken for a year). H was not very handy when we got married so he has come a very long way.

That's great. Have you told him?