I think that might come off as an ultimatum. If your really in the mindset of going out on a date, then go out on a date, but don't do it in a testing the waters, ultimatum type way to provoke an answer. I understand you want answers, you cant speed up the process thou. Your either going to have to let him come to his own answers in his own time, or your going to move on. That choice is yours actually.
You cant let go, because your probably not ready, and that's ok. That's why they call it a roller coaster, not only are you on the ride, but so is he. He's as confused as you are. I think the problem is your thinking straight, and the answers are obvious to you, but that's you, not him. He's the polar opposite right now. If you see some positives, and I do, then you have to be willing to accept them with patience, understanding, and take it as a 2 steps forward one back mentality. That is, until YOU don't want to do it anymore. Is that what you really want?
Patience is the biggest obstacle I think. Once we learn that, everything else seems to fall into place. It doesn't sound like your a doormat, or that he's taking advantage of you, he's just lost. Maybe i'm wrong, but you say you love him, you say he loves you? His big hug at work in front of everybody must have taken him a lot. Why are you in a hurry to push it? It all comes down to you really, what your willing to take or deal with. You will know when your done, no one else can tell you when that is. Its just sounds to me like your frustrated this isn't happening fast enough, and that's ok too, just realize that about yourself. Are you in some IC to get some tools to help yourself? What are you doing for YOU?
Maybe, if you need some time for yourself, its time to ask him to watch the kids for a weekend so you can go visit some family, or a friend? Try and give yourself a break, as hard as it is I know, take care of yourself emotionally/mentally/physically.
