Not Again?!

[doubledown]

Thanks HS, for continuing to share your experience. I really aapreciate it. It's tough waiting a day or so, due to my account being on moderation, so when I am able to finnally get the feedback, I really apreaciate it!

I can understand why you waited 2 years before confronting your W. I've only been aware of this A since July 2013. I'm really struggling with which path to take. The MWD "Divore Remedy" path, or confrontation. Both you and Starsky had success with confrontation. That's encouraging. But the dynamic within your marriages may have been very different from mine.

Since my wife worked with OM for a couple years, I have alot of knowledge about his personal business.

The OM is an hispanic laborer who had an estranged wife in Mexico whom he brought over here this summer. Before he did that, he had a girl friend living with him in a house on the same street where my family and I live.

So, he got an apartment for himself and the girlfriend, while he put the wife in the house with their two young sons. He is only staying married to her for the immigration purpose and he has since kicked the now ex-girlfriend out of the apartment and is supposedly exclusively with my wife.

My point here is that I can't really go to anyone and reveal what he is doing, because he's not invested in any other relationship. However, I'm sure his "wife" wouldn't approve of it. She takes walks down our street and if my wife and I are outside, she'll stop and say hello, because she is familiar with my wife as she knows her "husband" and my wife worked together.

I'm sure she would be very surprised to know that her "husband" and my wife are involved. But, I don't know how telling her would impact the affair relationship since they are estranged already.

The specific changes I have been woring on are contolling my anger, criticisms, judgements. I'm not questioning or challenging everything my wife says or does. I'm excercising great patience with my children. I'm happily completing projects around the house and assiting my wife any way I can.

I'm also truly listening to her. When she tells me a concern or an experience she's going through, I don't try to fix it for her. In stead, I validate her feelings and acknowlege her concerns.

Before I stopped snooping, I saw in text/emails betwen her and OM that my W made statements like: "that's why I love you. You understand everything". Or, "That's why we are so good together, we both set goals, work hard and if we hit obsticales, we overcome them and succeed".

He is also providing the typical compliments about her beauty,that she's the most importanmt thing in his life, how much he loves her, how he's going to take care of her...etc.

Considering the current passionate state of their relationship, if I tried to provide those things, I think they would fall on deaf ears or actually bother her.

This is my bggest struggle! What can I provide her that he cannot? Other than the fact that I am the father of our children, for the past 2 1/2 months I've been "father of the year" and "hunsdand of the year". But that doesn't seem to hold a candle to the infatuation chemicals/hormones and affair fog!

I think it is just such a relief and escape for her that she is overcome by the guy. I mean we have had a really tough past 4 years. She has shut off emotionally to me and quit.

I feel stuck! What are your suggestions?