You guys are right. Since I posted - with my heart banging against my chest and feeling like I would die because 'the worst' had happened (well, potentially, anyway), I've had time to dredge my personal resources up from whatever depths they inhabit these days.
I need to stop looking at the account details. It's been really upsetting, these last few months, to have a window on his life and to see how much he continues to spend for his own gratification. And now this extra 'news'.
I've inflicted this sadness and upset on myself, by looking. Kept telling myself that it was so i could report to the CS agency and get more money to support the kids, or that i needed to keep an eye on a joint account.
Also, it was sort of like driving past a car crash - you know you won't want to see what awful things may have happened, but you just can't look away.
But really, I don't need to look at the transaction history. And I've stopped already. I don't want to know any more.
Final trial is coming up and there are all sorts of issues around this that i can't discuss here, just in case. But it is an extremely fraught time.
I don't need more worry.
I'm doing well with the kids, and want to keep them on an even keel (as much as possible).
I will not check the account and I will get it out of my head.
