Figuring out the old and new life

[reachingHigher]

Hi FY!

What I hear in your posts is that W needs to find her own identity. Not defined by you or the M. That is exactly what my H said to me. But he really focused on that as his "identity" issue when he pressed for D last fall.

It does seem to me that for you to be stepping back and allowing W to redefine who she is, whilst still at home, is a good thing.

I didn't get to see all of H's struggles while he had moved out, in the same way you get to see W's.

I would be worrying about MMF, if it was me. I'm so glad you don't hafta worry about that, since you're not me!

I think you are doing exactly the right things...GAL activities, self-confidence, aloof-yet-available, etc.

I think that the in-house sitches seem to really drag on. My H moving out really pushed him to a crisis.

Also...to share about this side of reconnex with the idea of our spouse's new identity. I am so happy to see my H reaching out in new activities like golf, for example. He told me he doesn't want that to be "our" sport. Just his. And he seems to love to tell me all about It, show me his phone app after he plays, go to sports bars with me and watch it...just doesn't want me to play it with him. I can be his cheering section though and he loves that!

I am stepping a bit into his world by having joined a different health club than he attends. He visited mine as a personal trainer for me a couple of weeks ago and spent two hours helping me get a routine of exercises.

Now he really is very interested in my progress, in a more real way.

And I stepped into his world of late-night-dancing last Sat. night. It was an H I had never seen before, and somewhat of a morphed-H b/c he had developed some "moves" and ways about him that were brand-new. I just had to be careful not to be shocked by any of it and go with the flow, laughing along the way, and being there for him every step of the way, which is what he wanted.

I'm constantly aware of the need for us to have these separate identities. It makes the M SO much better, but that won't happen in your sitch, I don't think, until your W feels strong enough to be with you where you don't overpower her. Just musing.

Glad to read all your updates, as usual
rH