14th Thread to Somewhere Uncertainly

[TSquared2]

thanks UR Does it come pre-charged?

As predicted, things are pretty much inching along quietly. No complaints ...

She seems more concerned about my feelings and how she is coming across...she notices her moods and lets me know before anything gets uncomfortable. More smiling in general. When she looks at me there is some positive change in her eyes. But she is still working her issues and figuring things out. I know this. And since what I have been doing appears to be working, I continue the "aloof but available", but with some occasional minor pursuit, initiation when its "business", and sometimes, occasionally, just for fun...and testing...

I have been thinking about the "apology/remorse/amends" debate some.

W did apologize last May/June...a calm, rational apology. I trust that, with her, more than some big display of remorse, etc...if she did that, I wouldn't trust it, thinking it may be just one of her histrionic tricks/outbursts.

So, I have gotten my apology.

But each sitch is different, based on the people involved. I fully believe that each will "know", whether apology, remorse, or not. Then you have to weigh how important it is to you to get apologies, remorse, amends, or not.

I feel that I don't need those now. I wanted them before, but not now. I know she feels bad about the past 4 years. If we get moving again forward, if I see the "look" in her eyes that we are "we" again...and verbal re-commitment to work on a new R, that's enough to start. I trust my gut. I look at W, I see she is/has been punishing herself, nobody I have ever known through out our M beats themselves up like she does.

I just don't want to give away any energy to negative things, expectations of some "social norm" of WAS needing to be begging for forgiveness, making amends, etc. I believe that this MLC couldn't be helped, like a sudden amnesia or disease or something. She had to go there to resolve and come to terms with herself. So did I on my journey.

I trust I'll know if it's real or not. If there is unspoken remorse or whatever.

But like MWD and SBT suggest, I am more concerned with creating new, pleasant memories; new, better comm skills and interactions and such to push out old, negative ones, from our brains. Future/forward looking.

My IC (who has worked with W as well some in the past) is of the opinion that once W finally breaks free from the tunnel, takes that big step forward... we'll be having too much fun and positive things going on that it won't be long before the past 4-5 years is a "takes effort to recall" time. Just a "weird time" in our M...we'll see...I will do my part, know that....

Another interesting thing she (IC) told me is that W has taught me how to not "need" her via her journey...

Love? Yes.
Want? Yes.
Need? No, no longer.

Paraphrasing a Meatloaf song..."Two outta 3 ain't bad..."